Keep holding on
by IThinkIJustGleedMyself
Summary: Sequel to 'Just you and me, and her' A/U - Ellie Hudson is sixteen now, and life is going just about as well as it can. As usual, this is when fate decides to throw her a curve ball.
1. Keep holding on

**Okay, so I'm not really one for doing sequels, but I feel like 'Just you and me, and her' left a lot of potential for things to happen, and I've had this idea ever since I posted the first fic. After some encouraging from people, I've started to write it. This will be a few chapters long, and hopefully do my original fic justice :) **

**Thanks for beta'ing, Kristie! Love you!**

**Enjoy!**

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The car slows in front of her house, Ellie reaching down for her school bag. "I'll call you later," she says to Rose, "but not sure when. Mom always wants to interrogate me after the first day back to school." She rolls her eyes, but maintains her smile, and slings her bag over her shoulder.

"That's cool," she nods, "I'll just be crying over Mr Harrison's math homework all afternoon, anyway." They share a grin, before Ellie slips out of the car and down the driveway to her house. The large townhouse is unusually quiet as she opens the front door, looking for any signs of her family. Singing from the kitchen beckons her forward, where she finds her mom swirling on her feet as she sings to the two year old in her bright pink high chair.

As soon as she spies Ellie, she freezes, a sheepish look growing on her face. "Hey hon," she smiles, brown eyes sparkling excitedly, "how was school?"

"Hmm, it was okay," she shrugs, "just teachers going through what we're going to learn for the rest of the year. It was pretty boring actually." Her short response leaves Rachel clearly waiting for more, but she just drops her bag on the table, walking over to Sarah who is calling her name. "How is my favorite sister today?"

"Ellie, me up!" she reaches out her arms, whining when she isn't immediately held by someone.

She feels Rachel lingering beside her, and slowly turns to the woman. "So," she smiles, "did you make any new friends?"

"Not really – I spoke to a few new people in my classes." She gives a small smile, trying to reassure Rachel that it's okay if she doesn't have a huge amount of friends; all the matters is the friends she does have. Rachel hadn't exactly been the most popular person in High School – she's heard all the stories of slushies and eggings – and she only wants Ellie to have a better experience than her. "I did sign up for creative writing though," she tries.

Rachel's smile returns, face brightening, "oh you did? That's good." Turning slightly, she cleans Sarah off with her bib and then lifts the girl from her high chair. The two year old happily leans against her mother's shoulder with a look of content. They're so alike, her and Rachel. She grows to look more like her mom every day, so it's really no surprise that she's just as demanding and dramatic. Ellie, on the other hand, is all her dad, from the dopey smile to the laid back personality.

She's about to jump onto the counter, when Rachel apprehends her, sending a glare. Instead, she just leans against it, "yeah, I was also thinking about joining the school newspaper..." She says this uncertainly, worrying her lower lip. While she loves writing, and is sure she'd love helping out, it isn't exactly cool to be part of it, not at her school.

Still, Rachel nods in support. "That's a really great idea, sweetie. I'm sure there are lots of stories that you can report on. Don't you keep saying that the cafeteria food needs a vast improvement? And that the school spent more money on the cheerleaders than they did fixing the hall roof?" She tusks at that, "I don't know why you insist on going there."

"Because all my friends go there," she rolls her eyes, used to this argument by now. "And no offence, but I don't really wanna go to prep school."

"But Léman Manhattan is a very good school. Your father works there."

"Mom," she pulls a face, "it's just not me."

Rachel places down Sarah amongst some of her toys, moving to slide her arms around Ellie is a loose embrace. "Honey, is this because you think you're not smart enough?"

She lowers her gaze, but Rachel only holds on tighter to her. "I'm not like Daniel and Caleb – they're both at the top of their class without even trying. And I have to study for hours just to get a _B_." A sigh escapes her thin lips, her shoulders slumping downwards.

"That's not true. You always get an A in English, and it's more often than not an A+." Rachel replies with a small smile, gently combing her fingers through Ellie's mousy brown hair. When she doesn't glance up at her, she hooks her finger under the girl's chin, lifting her head. "And besides, they encourage other types of academia, too. Music for instance," she says brightly, "you can play the piano."

"Hmm," she shrugs, "I'm okay at it."

"Okay?" She raises an eyebrow. "You're wonderful at it. Almost as good as me." Rachel observes her slowly, giving up when Ellie's expression doesn't alter. She changes tactics then. "Since you probably don't have any homework, wanna help me make dinner?"

A smile returns to her face and she nods eagerly. "Sure mom. What're we having?"

"Chicken risotto for your guys, and mushroom risotto for me," she smiles, moving over to the refrigerator to take out the ingredients and hand them to her.

"Sounds good," she nods, "whenever you stay late at the studio, dad always ends up burning dinner. And then we just have sandwiches or something."

Rachel shakes her head, though her small smile gives her away too easily. She's been witness to a few "cooking" lessons for her dad, but he spends way too much time focused on Rachel than the actual food, so it's no wonder why he's not exactly a very good cook. With a smile of her own, she starts helping with dinner, not surprised when she's asked more about how her day at school went. She may roll her eyes, but inside it's nice to have Rachel care so much; she must really love her if she wants to know the boring details of her _math_ class.

She turns slightly when she hears the front door open, and then moments after her dad calls out, "Babe, I'm home." Like usual, he must follow the scent of the food to find them in the kitchen, as moments later she hears Sarah repeating "daddy" while jumping on her little feet.

"Hey princess," he grins, lifting her easily then stepping over the baby gate. Daniel and Caleb follow at his feet, the respective eight year and seven year old munching on some chips.

Upon seeing them, Rachel practically snatches them from their hands, starting on some rant about them ruining their appetites. Finn simply places his hands on her hips and pulls her in for a searing kiss. Ellie turns away slightly, while her brothers make gagging noises and Sarah tries to join in. When they pull apart, Rachel delightfully dazed and Finn grinning as though he just won the lottery, he lightly taps Daniel's head. "Knock it off, we kiss all the time."

"How was work?" Rachel changes the subject, straightening out his tie subconsciously.

"It was pretty good, especially considering I've got this little rascal in my class now." He grins, pointing to his youngest son who huffs and crosses his arms indignantly at being called such. "I missed you though." Rachel chuckles, repeating the sentiment before placing a kiss to his nose.

Turning her attention to the two boys, Finn moves over to Ellie, still carrying Sarah. "And how was your day?" he asks softly. She takes her eyes off the pan to her dad, gaze moving over his aged face and the speckles of gray in his hair. He places a hand on her shoulder, bringing her close for a one armed hug.

She leans into his embrace, "it was good daddy. A little boring, but it's only the first day. All my teachers seem nice."

"Glad to hear," he smiles, "you gonna try out for the volleyball team again? You were really good last year."

Ellie beams with pride. "Probably, I did kick ass last year, didn't I?" She says this quietly so Rachel doesn't hear, but Sarah starts giggling at this, hands clasped over her mouth in an attempt to contain said giggles. Finn grins at this, reaching out to fist bump Ellie before putting Sarah back with her toys. She whines and protests, but settles down when he hands over her favorite stuffed animal, Daisy. He moves over to Rachel again, hugging her from behind before his lips find her neck. She giggles when his hands lower from her hips to her ass, the man grinning devilishly.

"You guys have a bedroom for that," Ellie deadpans, keeping her attention on the food.

While he pouts, Rachel spins in his arms and stands on her toes to kiss him sweetly. He tries to deepen it, but she tugs herself away, instead leaning flush against him. "Finn, I've got dinner to make..." she tries.

"And four children who don't want to get their eyes bleached," Ellie adds, earning a swat from Rachel that she manages to avoid.

Moving out of Finn's grasp, she joins Ellie at the stove once more. "Boys, do you have any homework to do?"

"Rach, no one gives homework on their first day – that's just mean." Finn answers for them, crouching down so that he's Sarah's level. She starts filling his arms with carefully selected toys, her face thoughtful.

"I was just making sure," Rachel defends, then turns her attention back to her sons, "Now you guys go and get changed out of your uniforms so that they don't get ruined."

"Then can we play?" Caleb asks hopefully.

"Until dinner," she says absently-mindedly, stirring the risotto. Finn ushers them up to their rooms, carrying Sarah with him.

"Just us then," Rachel smiles toward her, helping to finish off dinner. It doesn't take long for the whole family to be sat down for the usual family dinner, with Daniel and Caleb almost starting a food fight. Ellie scoffs at that – even when she was that young she was never that much of an idiot. It must just be because they're boys, she thinks, turning her attention to Rachel who is telling Finn about her few hours at the studio. She's currently working on her first album, and it's kept her ridiculously busy for the past few weeks. On top of that, she teaches private vocal lessons during her days off. Today, however, she took most of the day off so that they could spend the night together as a family since it's the first day of school, and Rachel wants to know all about their days.

The evening draws on as usual, Ellie avoiding her parents and irritating brothers for a few hours as she calls Rose back. She's lay on her bed when she hears noise coming from her brother's room. As usual, her response is to roll her eyes and turn up the TV, hoping to wash out the sound of their immature fighting.

When she hears a knock on the door, she rolls onto her side, propping her chin up with her hand. "Come in," she calls, the door opening slowly. She hears the heavy footsteps that could only belong to one person.

"Hey daddy," she greets him with a bright smile.

He returns it, stepping into the room slightly, "your mom and I are gonna watch that new _Hunger games_ movie and were wondering if you want to join us." He then quickly adds, "if you don't mind spending a few hours with us oldies."

Ellie giggles, moving so that she's sat up. "Will there be popcorn?" she asks hopefully.

He chuckles, "do you even need to ask that?" Ellie's on her feet instantly, following him out of her soft yellow bedroom and down the hall. The bathroom door is slightly ajar, to which she can hear Rachel coaxing the boys into the bath with a promise of lots of bubbles and toys. It's only when Ellie and Finn have been settled on the couch with butter popcorn for five minutes that she finally joins them, looking a little flustered but still smiling. She slides in on Finn's other side, curling into him.

"I see you waited for me," she says sarcastically.

"Mom," Ellie shakes her head, "it's only the trailers. The movie hasn't even started."

She sighs still, pouting. "You'll have to pause it when I get Daniel and Caleb out of the bath in fifteen minutes."

With a groan, she says, "can't you just leave them in there?"

"If I leave them any longer than that, they'll get water all over the bathroom floor, _again_." Rachel shakes her head at the way the other two laugh upon remembering that particular incidence, moving to press play on the remote. They soon fall silent at that point, Finn wrapping his arms around both of them. But they're barely ten minutes into the movie when Rachel checks up on Sarah and then the boys. Ellie groans when she takes her own sweet time, stuffing a handful of popcorn into her mouth.

"Hurry up mom," she grumbles, earning a chuckle from Finn.

"You are so impatient."

"I just wanna watch the movie," she bows her head, _and swoon over Josh Hutcherson._ But her daddy doesn't need to know that bit.

_Finally_, Rachel returns, ushering Daniel and Caleb forward. "Now give goodnight kisses," she orders to the boys in matching _Spiderman_ pajamas, and they both instantly jump onto Finn. He groans at the sudden weight on him, but hugs them back, littering their faces with kisses. They squeal giddily, before jumping off and moving over to Ellie.

She hurriedly kisses both their cheeks. "Right, now shoo," she tells them. Daniel frowns, crossing his arms, while Caleb instead finds it interesting to pick his nose. Rachel gasps quietly, chastising him immediately.

"But mama -"

"No buts," she gives him her look, one that all three children wince at. That look is _not_ a good one. But just as soon as it arrived, it disappears as a soft expression melts onto her features. She places a hand on his shoulder, gently ushering him away. "Come on, it's time for bed." With Daniel following, she turns to Finn and Ellie, "I'll be five minutes, I promise." She's barely out of the room before the doorbell rings, surprising all the occupants of the house.

"I'll get it mommy!" Daniel announces.

"Daniel, no. You let mommy or daddy open the door," she hears Rachel insist, though Ellie sends a confused glance to Finn. He himself has a thoughtful expression, clearly straining to hear who it is. But for once Rachel's voice isn't loud and clear, and all she can hear is a murmur of sound. The stifled voices change in tone, from wariness to surprise. The in an unmistakably panicky Rachel voice, she shouts, "Finn!" The man springs to his feet in a matter of seconds, hurrying to aid his wife.

Ellie stands too, rushing to the doorway where she lingers, curiosity blinding all her other thoughts.

Daniel and Caleb are huddled together a few steps up the staircase, looking just as confused as her. Ellie tries to peek at the cause of the sudden disruption, but the door is in her way, as well as her dad. She catches a glance of Rachel, the woman gripping onto her dad's arm so tightly she could be bruising it. Ellie stiffens, suddenly feeling worried – Rachel's never looked so... so _scared_ before, and she doesn't like it at all. For a moment, their eyes meet, and if possible the woman's eyes widen further with deeply engrained fear. She whispers a few hushed words to Finn, who nods and gently shushes her.

With one glance back at Ellie, he moves into Rachel's place. Suddenly his face goes as white as a sheet, but he's not scared like Rachel. The muscles in his arms are tight, fists clenched, and she can see how tenseness washes over him. He's not scared, he's _angry_.

"Kate, what are you doing here?" The words are uttered so lowly, threateningly, that Ellie would never have associated that tone with her father. She gulps and tries to step closer. Rachel intercepts her, attempting to move her away from the door, but she uses her height and strength to her advantage, keeping her ground.

"Ellie," Rachel sighs; Ellie doesn't miss the way her eyes are almost pleading with her. The girl's frown deepens – this is about her, she knows it is. And she's not just going to be pushed to the side and kept out of it. She's sixteen years old; she can handle herself.

"Mom, what's going on?"

"Just let your father sort it ou – Ellie!" She grasps for Ellie's clothes, but she swiftly moves away from it and hurries over to Finn. The first thing she hears is "You can't just show up after all this time, that's not fair." Whoever this Kate is never gets a chance to reply as Ellie sets a 'what the hell is happening?' look to her dad, only to see his horrified face.

He tries to move her away from the door. "Ellie, princess, please go upstairs."

She shakes her head stubbornly, determined to know who caused his sudden change in demeanour and _why_. Turning to the doorway, she suddenly gasps, feeling the blood drain from her face in much the way it had her father's. His hand feels heavy on her shoulder, trying to pull her away, but she can't tear her eyes from the woman in front of her. She stares into the same green eyes that she has, the ones that she's always wondered where they came from. Her pulse beats in her ears like a drum, throbbing with a burst of emotions. All the pieces fit together immediately – her parent's reaction, their insistence that she's kept away, and now the way her dad looks painfully between the pair.

Suddenly she's breathless, as though she just ran a marathon, and dizziness follows.

She now knows the what, but why, _how_? Shaking her head, she blinks back tears that she doesn't even realize are there until her vision becomes blurred with them. The woman gives this small smile, clutching onto her handbag that little bit tighter. Ellie stiffens at the sight of it, unable to grasp if this is reality or fantasy. She sees her lips move, confused as to why no sound follows, but then the next thing she knows her vision is clouding over and her head really hurts.

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The first thing she can see is Rachel's face, brimming with worry. As soon as her eyes focus, her voice groggily calls out, "W-what happened?"

"Ellie," she breathes with the uttermost relief, barely giving her a chance to sit up as she's swept into a hug. "Are you okay? You took quite a bump to your head."

She winces slightly as she rubs the back of her sore head, then glances around the familiar walls of her bedroom. Just as bliss as the first few seconds of consciousness are, the events coming flooding back to her with far too much speed for Ellie's liking, and she feels the tears spring back to her eyes.

"Ellie?" her mom asks again, cradling her like she used to do when they'd sit up during thunderstorms.

"That woman is my mother, isn't she?"

Rachel tenses, biting her lower lip. Her chocolate brown eyes meet Ellie's before she nods. "She is, baby."

Breathing out, Ellie shakily tries to make sense of the whole situation. "But... why?" She winces at the pained expression on Rachel's face, "I don't understand. It's been sixteen years... where has she been..." The anger that she'd seen in her father's face suddenly sparks, "and what makes her think she has the right to see me? She doesn't even know me." The tears escape onto Rachel's shoulder; she rocks Ellie back and forth with a hand soothing her back. "Why does she want to come back now?"

Her mom doesn't answer any of those questions. She just looks sad. For a few moments, the two embrace, Ellie crying and muttering out her thoughts to Rachel, before they fall into silence.

It's only when her sobs turn to cries, and equally her cries to sniffles, that Rachel speaks. "She's downstairs." She doesn't surface from Rachel's shoulder, "your dad is talking to her about... what she's doing here. He's so worried about you, Ellie – I can't believe you fainted..." She gently brushes her hand over the small bump on her head, then kisses it.

"She's in our house?" Ellie shakes. She doesn't know how to feel anymore; sure, she's thought that this could happen one day, but that'd been when she was much younger, wishing for a mom. The longer she's had Rachel, the less often those thoughts have showed up, until they became nothing but old dreams.

"It's going to be fine," Rachel insists, her tone wavering. "It'll be fine." This is repeated over and over, until Ellie hates the word 'fine', instantly associating it with the confusion and worry that's consuming her.

She doesn't know how long they sit there; it's dark outside by now, a crescent moon hung in the sky, but it seems like an eternity until she hears her dad's footsteps. He taps lightly on the door, then pokes his head inside. "Hey," he starts with uncertainty, eyes searching Ellie's face.

"She knows, Finn," is all Rachel says before she moves to the other side of Ellie, arms joining Rachel's around her.

"I'm so sorry that you had to meet her like that, sweetheart."

Ellie doesn't know what to say, any words blocked by the lump in her throat. He fills in the silence, though, with careful and gentle words. "She wants to see you."

"What? Why?"

He immediately hushes her, "I don't know why this is happening all of sudden; I just know that she wants to see you." She's quiet again, so he continues, "she wanted to take you to dinner, but I told her that you have to consent to it first, and if you do... I want to be there as well." He sighs, "I don't want you getting hurt."

The words resonate through her body, but no matter how many times she hears them, they're still difficult to comprehend. "You don't have to," Rachel interjects, "it's your decision, Ellie. If you don't want to see her, then that's totally okay..."

She looks between her parents, from their worried expressions to the bed sheets. Does she want to see her mother? The woman who hasn't cared enough to contact her for so long? Who's left her wishing for so much, even just a stupid birthday card. She doesn't know how many times she spent thinking about her birth mother as a child, what features they shared, what traits she inherited from her. Now it just makes her upset to think that she shares half her DNA with a woman who could abandon her own child. But then, as angry as she is...there's still something in her heart pulling her toward this meeting. Her daddy will be there, he'll protect her, and then maybe at the same time she can get the answers to questions that have lain dormant for years now.

Glancing up at her dad, she suddenly feels her heart sinking guiltily at her new desire. He wouldn't be upset, would he? After all, he just wants her to be happy. And then her gaze makes its way to Rachel, whose eyes still convey sadness that doesn't look like it's about to let up any time soon.

Ellie struggles to give an answer, constantly waning and waxing toward a decision.

She doesn't realize when she gives the tiniest of nods. Finn does though, and he hugs her even tighter, kissing her head, "you want to go?"

"I want to meet her... to ask her... why," she says simply, to which he nods in understanding. For a brief moment, she wonders what had been said downstairs between them; she'd heard shouting, she's sure. And no doubt he's still upset – she almost feels bad for him having to go with them tomorrow, but she knows she'll feel more at ease with her dad there, and then maybe the truth will come out.

She tiredly moves out of their grasp, insisting that she just wants to go to bed. The look of concern shared between her parents doesn't go missed by Ellie, but she just reaches into her drawers for some pajamas and places them on the bed. Finn hugs her first, large body squeezing hers. "We'll talk more in the morning," he says gently, before kissing her forehead. "Try and get some sleep, princess." She manages a smile, though that's about it.

Rachel is next; their hugs are usually a little comical as she's a good few inches taller than her, but today there are no light chuckles and smiles. The air is thick around them, Rachel's grip strong around her. She relishes in the feel of the embrace, letting it relax her. "If you need anything, let us know," she says simply, to which Ellie nods. They leave her to change then, Ellie soon realizing that her solitude is not as good as it once was; she constantly gets lost in her mind, producing situation after situation of how the dinner could go.

Hours of tossing and turning persist, with anxiety keeping her awake. At two am, she kicks the twisted blanket off her body and pads down the hallway to her parent's room. The door creaks open, but it doesn't seem to stir the two lumps in the bed. As she gets closer, she notices how far apart they're sleeping, which means they''ve probably had an argument. Her heart drops at that, knowing that if they did it was more than likely about her and this whole situation.

She hesitates for a moment, considering going back to her room, but then Rachel's eyes flutter open, slowly focusing on her. "Ellie," she speaks tiredly, voice croaky. "What are you doing up?" That same worry returns, the one that Ellie hates already.

"I couldn't sleep..." she wrings her hands together, "could I...?" She hesitates at that, it being so long since she's slept in her parent's bed. She's not a scared little girl anymore; she's sixteen years old.

Rachel understands quickly and scoots backwards on the bed. She lifts up the covers, inviting Ellie in silently. The girl hurries to climb into the warm bed, instantly feeling better when Rachel's arms wrap around her. "Are you okay?" she whispers in her ear.

She nods, "I will be." That seems to satiate Rachel for now, or maybe she's just tired and wants to get back to sleep. Either way, Ellie finally relaxes as the room is silent once more, her eyes drooping ever so slowly. Something about having her parents close by is more comforting to her, allowing her to finally get some sleep, even with her dad mumbling and Rachel lightly snoring. She snuggles further into the woman, glad for her embrace. Maybe she is a scared little girl, after all.

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**This fic will all be from Ellie's POV, just like the original. It didn't feel right to do it any other way.**

**Please review :)**


	2. Here for you

**It's amazing to see so many people excited for this fic. I'm excited, too! :) Thank you for everyone reviewing and all that jazz. Even for just reading. You are all wonderful!**

**This chapter is self beta'd, so I apologise in advance for any stupid errors. **

**Enjoy!**

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She groggily wakes up to the sound of voices behind her, and it takes a few moments before she can make out the hushed voices of her parents. "... don't want her to get hurt."

"Rach, I'll be there," he insists, "and if Kate is pushing her boundaries, then we'll leave, I promise. If this is what Ellie wants, then I'm not going to stop her."

Rachel huffs, "I don't trust her at all, Finn. You don't see her for sixteen years and then all of a sudden she just shows up on your doorstep?" Her voice is strained, and then she adds more reluctantly, "and I'm worried about how this meeting is going to go. They may be related, but they're strangers Finn. They don't know anything about each other."

That stumps him, Ellie hearing her father huff out a couple of times. "I'll do my best to make it easier for the both of them."

"Maybe if I came -"

"Babe," he says softly. Ellie has to listen harder when his voice loses its volume, the bed shifting as he moves closer to Rachel. "We talked about this last night."

"But I won't do anything, Finn," she says rather unconvincingly. There's a moment of silence, to which she imagines they're having one of their glaring contests. It's a battle of stubbornness, one that Rachel usually wins. Today, however, Finn comes out triumphant, if Rachel's sigh is anything to go by. "Fine," she miffs, "I may have spent last night thinking of exactly what I'd like to say to that... that... _child abandoner_!" She pauses, taking a moment to compose herself after the abrupt outburst. "However, the most important person in all of this is Ellie, and I would never do anything that would make her upset, in spite of my feelings."

"And if you really want to do what's best for her," he gently tells the woman, "then for just this one time, sit back and let Ellie take the lead. She needs to, Rach. This is... this is something that's hard enough without someone else dictating what she does."

"I'm not dictating anything," Rachel insists, "I'm just worried about her." Ellie is sure that Rachel is staring at her during that point, her body involuntarily tensing. She hopes that neither notices, because the last thing she needs is for them to know that she's eavesdropping.

"I am too," her dad's voice becomes the center of attention once more. "I just... I never expected something like this to happen. Kate – I thought she was gone for good, you know?" At that, Ellie feels her stomach unsettle, a sickness washing over her. It's yet another reminder that her mother never wanted her, and that she had no intention of returning to meet her daughter. But how things have changed... "And she acted so strangely last night; she wouldn't say why she all of a sudden just showed up. All she'd tell me was that she wanted to see Ellie."

Rachel is silent then, unusually so. If Ellie knows anything, it's that the woman has an answer for everything, and is very keen to impose her opinion. She finds herself waiting for them to say more, but they seem to have fallen into their own thoughts, so she takes this opportunity to shift a little, eyes fluttering open as she feigns waking up.

When she turns so that she's facing her parents, she finds Rachel safely held in his arms, resting against his chest. She knows that position well; it's the one that they'd often used after Sarah was born (a month and a half prematurely) and had to stay in the hospital for a couple of weeks, or when Rachel's convinced she's messed up an audition. It's one of the rare times when she'll see them quiet, just content to be with the other and allow their presence to improve their gloomy mood.

Finn notices her first, mouth tugging in an unsure smile. "Morning," he mumbles out, eyes intent on his eldest daughter. Rachel twists in his arms to give a far too large smile for this time in the morning, one that's filled with eagerness to get things back on track after the whole débâcle of last night.

She pulls herself tiredly into a sitting position, feeling even more exhausted as she sees the worry sweep over their faces. "G'mornin,'" she mumbles with little happiness. Due to her current situation and only having just woken up, she's not exactly what you'd call jolly right now.

"Did you sleep okay?" Rachel asks, slowly moving to sit down on the bed beside her. Shrugging off the warm blankets, Ellie manages a nod. And she's telling to truth, to some extent. As soon as she'd been with her parents, she'd felt safe and protected from her worries, enough to finally sleep soundly. Now that she's awake, it's difficult to evade them.

Holding in a sigh, she nods and gives the smallest of smiles. To Rachel, this is further confirmation that the woman should worry, and instantly she finds herself pulling Ellie in for a tight hug. "Mom... can't...breathe," she chokes out.

"This isn't the time for joking," Rachel pouts, "it was supposed to be a touching and lovely moment."

"Sorry for ruining the moment," she smirks, "you worry too much." Rachel breathes out a smile, a little more convinced that Ellie is fine, for now anyway.

"Go get ready for school," the woman tells her softly. She pulls herself from bed and slowly makes her way to the door, leaving her parents to most likely talk about the subject that she's growing sick of hearing about already. She takes her time getting ready for the day ahead, which gives her opportunity to get lost in her thoughts, generating one scenario after another of what's going to happen now.

She's going to meet her mother, the woman who carried her for nine months... but the woman who also gave her up, even after that. She feels slightly nauseous, unsure of whether she could ever do that to her own child. It just seems... _wrong_, unthinkable. But she had to have a reason, right? And Ellie wants – no, _needs_ – to find out that reason. Even if the thought of being with a woman who didn't want her makes her feel so uneasy and trembly; she'll have to push herself through it though. If she wants answers.

By the time she trudges downstairs, everyone is already gathered around the table, happily eating away. She smiles at the normality of the morning, longing for the rest of the day to be like this, but a nagging feeling in the back of her mind tells her that it won't be, not from the way Rachel keeps staring at her when she thinks she isn't looking.

Still, she slowly eats her cereal, trying to keep up with Daniel telling them about his project in art class, while every so often Sarah demands attention, whether it be by throwing her pacifier across the table or trying to smear her breakfast over Finn's shirt.

And it seems like any ordinary breakfast, until Caleb lifts his little head, looking from Ellie to his parents and then back again. Finally, he plucks up the courage and asks, "who was that lady last night?"

Ellie chokes on the piece of cereal she's currently swallowing, while Finn and Rachel momentarily gape at him. He only frowns deeper, forehead crinkling as he does so.

Eventually, it's Rachel that regains her composure the fastest, Finn still looking unsure of himself. Ellie manages to calm her coughing fit by chugging down some orange juice, just as Rachel speaks. "Baby, that's... some important business between Ellie and your father, and," she pauses, gulping slightly, "_Katherine_." She speaks the name as though it's a poison on her tongue. Finn gently places his hand on hers, squeezing it.

"But why was she here?" he cocks his head to the side.

She hesitates again, clearly unsure of what to say. Finn supplies the words that she struggles to find. "She's Ellie's birth mom," he says simply, a soft tone to his voice.

"Ellie's mom?" Daniel lowers his fork, mouth hanging open slightly. "But mom is Ellie's mom... isn't she?"

Rachel glances down sadly, and then shakes her head. She's the one to squeeze Finn's hand back then, as if needing reassurance from her husband. Ellie clears her throat, feeling the need to clear that air that's suddenly thickened around them. "She _is_ my mom, just not my birth mom."

"You have two mommies?"

She gives a curt nod.

"That's not fair!" Caleb announces, "I want two mommies!" She wants to tell him that she _doesn't_ have two mom's, not really, but as it is she struggles to find any words in reply.

"Finish your breakfast," Finn says in the authoritative voice that leaves no room for argument. Ellie sends him a thankful look for changing the topic, and he smiles in return, helping Sarah once more with her oatmeal. Rachel too appears happy to be discussing something else, quickly turning the conversation to how Caleb's doing with his violin classes.

She helps fill the dishwasher as everyone gets ready for the day ahead. "Your dad's giving you a ride to school this morning," Rachel announces.

Ellie snaps her head in the woman's direction. "I can get the bus, it's fine."

"He wants to," she confirms, "and besides..." Rachel lowers her voice, "I think he has something important to tell you." The way she speaks makes it evident _who_ the conversation will entail, and Ellie slumps her shoulders almost immediately.

"Okay," she nods, "when is he leaving?"

"In a couple of minutes. Caleb's just going to the toilet." Then the woman hesitates, "I can pick you up as well, if you like? If it's easier...?"

She shakes her head instantly. "It's fine," she insists, "aren't you going to the studio today, anyway?"

"Not today," she corrects her, "I just have a few classes this morning, and then I have some grocery shopping to do. I can make time for you though."

"No need," Ellie brushes off her offer. Rachel gives a small smile, opening her mouth to speak again, but is distracted by Sarah calling for her. Using the opportunity to slip into the living room, she grabs her school bag and joins Daniel on the couch. He's dressed smartly in his uniform, satchel tucked neatly into his side. She normally tends to ignore her brothers as much as she can (she's sixteen and rarely in the mood to deal with play fighting and their "_pokemon_" battles.) Today, however, she gives him a small smile.

He doesn't return it.

"Hey, why the long face?" she furrows her brows, then nudges him playfully.

"You know how you said that mom isn't your birth mom?" he says with uncertainty, like it's too much to wrap his head around. She nods gently. "Does that... you're still our sister, right?"

She's completely taken aback by the question, so much that it stuns her into a few moments of silence. Daniel takes this the wrong way, instantly jumping to the wrong confusion. The way his face fall makes her reach out to pull him into a hug. "Of course I'm your sister, silly," she tells him. "Technically, I'm your half sister, but that's just the same."

"It is?" he sounds hopeful once more. That surprises her; usually he likes to annoy her, just because he can.

"Sure is," she grins, "you can't get rid of me that easily, kid."

Ellie begins to pull away then, only for a pair of small arms to hug her back. "Thanks Ellie," he says quietly, sweetly.

She scrunches her eyebrows together, "for what?"

"Just... just thanks," he nods, suddenly jumping out of her reach as Finn enters the room. She shakes her head at that. _Boys_. Caleb comes bounding in behind Finn then, rushing past to get to the car. Once they've all said goodbye to Rachel and Sarah, they head outside to the car, which her dad calls his 'fifth baby'. It's kind of weird, really. It's a car, but he is obsessed with it, keeping it clean, always talking to it. She's pretty sure she's seen him caressing it before.

The car ride is quiet, other than the sound of Daniel and Caleb absolutely engrossed in their 3DS as they sit in the back seat. She turns to her dad, watching how his fingers keep tensing around the steering wheel. When he notes her staring, he clears his throat slightly, eyes wary. "So I... I spoke to Kate this morning."

"Oh." She sits up straighter, but nothing can stop the worry that stirs within. "And?"

He peers through the rear view mirror to make sure her brothers are distracted, then gives a tiny nod. "We talked about what you want. She was... really happy to hear that you agreed to meet her."

"She was?" Ellie hates how small she sounds at that moment.

"Yeah, wanted to do it as soon as possible. But you know, I wanted to give you a couple more days to process everything," he watches her slowly while she only stares back, "this can't be easy on you. I feel... well, I know that I'm struggling with it, and we'd broken up for a while before she just – well, before she left. What I guess I'm saying is... I don't want this to be too fast for you, okay?"

She smiles, thankful. "I know, daddy." Ellie then looks to him shyly, "when is it... when we're having dinner with her?"

"This Thursday," he says, voice a little strained. She feels guilty as she realizes that she hasn't been thinking as much about how it's affecting him. They'd been a couple, they'd had a _baby_ together, and then she'd just disappeared. That can't be easy for anyone.

"Okay."

"Okay?" He repeats, as though questioning her short answer.

She nods, and drags in a deep breath. "Yeah, Thursday."

* * *

"So what? She just shows up?" Rose gives her a strange look. She sits down at the table next to her in the cafeteria, one more to the quieter side of the room.

Ellie lets a sigh loose. "Yeah, just completely out of the blue. Mom answered the door. She freaked out a little."

"What about you?"

"I fainted."

"You _fainted_?!" she asks, shock filling her voice.

Giving a grim nod, she pushes her food around the plate. "I don't know why. It just... I don't know, it felt like everything was happening at once and I – I wanted to talk to her, but I couldn't. Ever since that my parents have been treating me like I'm made of glass."

"They're probably just worried about you," she supplies, "I mean, I don't know what I'd do if I were you. I don't think I could face someone who abandoned me." Ellie gulps at that word. It sounds so... so _harsh_. _But that's what she did_, a voice in the back of her brain reminds her. There has to be a reason though, there has to be.

"Maybe she just thought that it was time? You know, doing it before it's too late?" She tries.

Rose gives her a look, "it's been _sixteen_ years."

Her head bows at that, diving into her thoughts once again. This is all so confusing, one big convoluted mess of feelings and doubts. She wants nothing more than for someone who understands what she's feeling, to tell her that it's all normal and what's supposed to happen, but how does she know? Is she supposed to be angry at Kate? Is she supposed to want to know her?

"I wish things were simpler," she mumbles out, stabbing at some pasta with her fork.

"Maybe it will get easier?" her friends offers helpfully, "maybe after you see her it'll be different?"

She pauses, "you think so?"

The blonde nods, "right now you don't know anything about her, right?" She nods in confirmation, "so you can't really judge what's gonna happen because you don't know her."

"That's the thing though... I'm not exactly sure if I _want_ to know her."

Smiling sadly, she says, "I don't think I would, either."

That causes her to frown more deeply, wondering if she's made the right decision about this dinner.

* * *

She quietly steps into the house, feeling as though a heavy cloud is hanging over her. Barely a few seconds in, she's bombarded by a flurry of her three excited younger siblings, leaving her slightly stunned when they all talk at once. She notes that Caleb and Daniel are out of their uniforms already, causing her to glance around in confusion; they're not even home by this time normally.

Just as more questions form, Finn steps around the corner with Rachel at his side, badgering on in his ear. That's not unusual, but then she turns back down to the brood of siblings, her curiosity peaks once more. What's going on?

"Good day at school?" her dad asks as he manages get past his other kids to embrace her in a hug. Rachel practically shoves him out of the way for one of their own, her chin rested on Ellie's shoulder. The girl manages a smile at that; ever since she'd towered over Rachel at the tender age of twelve (obviously taking after her dad) it's been a source of amusement for the family.

"Yeah," she nods, her response a little lacklustre. In an instant, Rachel is pulling away, features etched with concern. "Seriously mom," she rolls her eyes, "it was fine." Her eyes once more hover over the others, "what are you doing home so early?"

"We're going bowling," Caleb bounces in excitement, "and Uncle Kurt and Blaine are coming too and they're bringing Alex and Riley and mommy said that we can get pizza and she said we can get whatever we want on it an -"

"Breathe, dude," Finn chuckles as he gently pats his back, before turning his attention back to Ellie, while she gives him a look, tilting her head to the side inquisitively. They go bowling, sure – it's sort of their family _thing_. But that's more of a Friday night activity, where they can let go for the end of the week. One look to her parents and it doesn't take long to figure out where the impromptu night out came from.

Holding in a sigh, she nods. "Sounds good. When are we going?"

"Soon," Rachel says with a teeth-clenchingly tight smile, "so go put your stuff upstairs and get ready. Kurt and Blaine are meeting us there in just over forty minutes and you know that I hate to be late."

"Okay, I'm going, I'm going," she huffs when Rachel urges her up the stairs. "I don't need you to walk me to my room," she mumbles when she spies the woman on her tail, "I've lived here for nine years, I know where it is."

"Very funny," she gives a wry smile, "I'm just getting my coat." She pauses then, lingering at the doorway of Ellie's room, watching as the girl disposes of her bag on the bed. Feeling the gaze on her, Ellie peers up, suddenly feeling much more self conscious.

"You don't need to keep worrying about me, you know."

Rachel nods slowly, biting her lip. "I know, but I can't help it." Stepping further into the room, her hesitance doesn't go unnoticed by Ellie, who in turn stops in her motions. "The last time you slept in our bed was when you were ten and you were scared because you'd watched _Halloween_ at that slumber party with your friends."

"I wasn't scared," she insists quickly, though her gaze lowers quickly. "Well, maybe a little bit. I might be a little now, too... oh, well- ugh, I don't really know how I feel." Rachel moves closer instinctively when she hears the worry in her voice, tiny arms wrapping around her. "I guess I'm curious, but I just..." She hesitates; talking about her feelings doesn't exactly come naturally, since it feels like she's burdening other people with them. With Rachel it's easiest, but that still doesn't mean that there's nothing holding her back. "She didn't want me," she ends quietly, barely a whisper. Her throat tightens, a heavy weight on her chest, and she finally manages to look up at Rachel, she finds the woman's eyes wide with sympathy.

"Come on, you don't know that," she says softly, voice strained. Like it always is when she isn't be completely honest. Ellie's never asked why her birth mom left, especially since Rachel had become part of the family. She's never wanted to upset either by asking, and besides, her philosophy has always been that if her birth mom didn't want her, then Ellie returns the sentiments. Still, she wonders whether that's more to keep her protected from the feelings of abandonment from a woman she doesn't even know. "Now," Rachel gently smooths out her hair, "why don't we forget about this for a while and go have fun as a family?"

Ellie gives a small smile, wiping tears from her eyes that she didn't even realize were gathering there. God, this is turning her into a mess and it's barely been twenty four hours since Kate had shown up on their doorstep. She's not typically a crier, but this seems to be bringing it out in her. "I'm guessing this whole thing was your idea?" she questions.

A short laugh escapes Rachel's plump lips, and she smiles brighter now. "I was trying to cheer you up."

"By a family trip with five loud, crazy kids?"

"You love them."

"They're related to me - I'm contractually obliged to," she chuckles despite feeling rather gloomy moments before, and rather than roll her eyes at the comment, Rachel smiles, leaning back from the embrace.

She lightly taps under Ellie's chin. "There's my girl that we all know and love," she crows. Ellie tries to ignore the light blush on her cheeks, and thankfully Rachel leaves her to get ready then, which mainly includes a touch up on her make-up and tying her hair into a high pony tail.

It's not long before the family congregate outside the bowling alley, Finn carrying Sarah on his shoulders while the other two boys chase each other around. She sits glued to her phone, quickly sending a text to Rose. _Folks taking me on a sympathy day out. A whole few hours with the goody two shoes and my drama queen of a sister xx_

Just as she's sending _send_, she hears the loud and high voice of her Uncle Kurt, followed by Alex and Riley practically pouncing on her brothers.

"Boys, please be civilised in public!" he shrieks out, just in time for Uncle Blaine to join, slipping his arm easily over Kurt's shoulders. She immediately hates how both sets of eyes find her, searching her faces for signs of her any distress, worry, anxiety. Ellie decides there and then that being looked at like that is the worst thing in the word. When she looks accusingly toward her parents, they at least have the decency to look sheepish.

Finn placates her with, "I needed to talk about it with someone... they're _family_. And we're only looking out for you, princess."

She folds her arms across her chest indignantly, "yes, but I don't need the whole damn world knowing." She's barely had any time to process the information and decide exactly what she thinks of it while the news is being flashed around like there's a big neon sign over her head. "Please don't tell anyone else," she half demands, half begs.

"Your secret is safe with us," Uncle Kurt interjects with a genuine smile. She gives a sigh of relief then, and lets some of the tension escape her body.

"Right, let's go in!" Rachel clasps her hands together, which effectively ends the play fight with stick swords going on beside them. Finn has to duck down in order to get inside with Sarah happily rested on his shoulder and without her getting a bump to the head, but as soon as he's in, she wants down anyway. Her small feet hitting the floor, she tries to scurry away. Rachel's faster and sweeps her up, legs flying through the air for a few seconds. "Not so fast you, we are not having a repeat of last time." Ellie grows a bemused expression at that. They'd taken their eyes off of her for all of a minute, before finding her twenty minutes later happily munching on the pizza of another family all the way at the other end of the room. All panic and fear had quickly dissolved into laughter at that point.

Ellie manages to ignore her Uncle Kurt's complaints about wearing shoes that "may be infected with who knows what" and Sarah's refusal to wear the shoes because they're not pink, instead quietly slipping on her own and joining Blaine at the aisle. "Hey," she greets.

"Oh hi," he looks up from placing his name on the board to, while at the same time asking, "while I've got you alone, any idea what you want for you birthday next week?"

"Hmmm, money is always good," she smiles, "oooh, you can get me a car!"

Blaine laughs loudly, "don't push your luck." Ellie pouts, and steps closer. Suddenly her eyes roam over the screen in front of her. She instantly rolls her eyes upon seeing 'nightbird' in place of his actual name.

"When are you guys stop going to using your made up superhero names on here?" She pulls a face, "it's embarrassing."

"You and Finn started it," he pokes at her side, "what, with Superdad and his accomplice, Miss Marvel."

She makes a grumbling noise, "don't put that. Put my real name."

"Aw, but that's cute."

"I was five when I came up with it," she mutters, watching him warily as he types in her name. To her chagrin, he places in the name that haunts her with every bowling trip. Still, she manages to crack a real smile for what feels like forever, giggling as she tries to delete what he's just typed. "Blaine!" she tries to shove him out of the way, only for him to tickle her, effectively stopping the girl in her tracks.

They're so distracted with this that they barely notice everyone else join them. "What are you doing to my daughter?" Finn asks with a raised eyebrow.

"He's being mean, daddy." She pouts.

Rachel gives a sharp gasp, "Blaine Anderson, leave my daughter alone."

"She started it," he mumbles, as though a scolded child. Ellie, following his example, retorts by sticking her tongue out at him.

"Can we start yet?" Daniel starts impatiently, already holding a bowling ball in his arms. Sarah rushes to pick one up too, cradling it rather than lifting it properly.

She struggles to bring it over to Ellie, groaning a little under its weight. "Ball!" she announces, barely managing to lift it a few inches higher. Ellie quickly sweeps down and takes hold of it, smiling at her little sister.

"That's a little too heavy for you," she grins and places it back, instead picking up the lightest ball, "take this one. And let's go kick some ass, huh?"

"Les go!" Sarah shouts out, jumping up excitedly. As she helps the younger section of the party add their names to the computer, she relishes in the constant need for attention from them. For the first time today, her mind can be distracted, from Kate, from everyone tiptoeing around her as though she's going to crack any second. And yes, she knows that things aren't going to be easy, or predictable, but at with moments like this she can feel as though she's not totally alone in it.

* * *

**I hope this doesn't feel like it's going too slowly. I just really don't want to rush this. Obviously, it's something very difficult to go through, so I want it to be as realistic as possible.**

**Please review :)**


	3. Dinner for three

**Another update! I am going to try and update every Tuesday, which hopefully gives me enough time to get a chapter done. If you see me lazing about on tumblr, feel free to nag me to write ^.^ **

**Thank you to Kristie for beta'ing :) Love you.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Ellie gently brushes through her mousy brown hair, staring at her reflection in the mirror. One hand nervously plays with the hem of her shirt, every so often smoothing down the non-existent creases from the soft material. She releases a couple of shaky breaths, eyes focused. "You can do this," she tells her again, hoping to boost her confidence, if only a little bit.

With one final glance at herself, she gives a small nod and then slowly makes her way out of the bedroom. The nerves are impossible to shed, only seeming to grow in size with each step she takes. As she passes her parent's room, she spies Finn through the cracked open door, his expression troubled. Her face twists with sadness at that, and she reaches a hand to gently knock on the door. "Daddy?" she begins hesitantly, causing his head to snap up.

He immediately forces a smile onto his face, beckoning for her to enter. With a pat to the spot beside him, he watches her slowly. The bed sinks when she sits down, eyes stuck on the floor. The room is completely still, neither quite sure what the right words to say are. In truth, this is going to be a big night for the both of them; the fact that she can't predict how it's going to pan out makes her more uneasy. Finn moves to wrap his arm around her shoulder, to which she wordlessly leans into his embrace, where it's warm and comfortable and familiar. Ellie breathes in the strong smell of his cologne, instantly feeling at ease.

But soon enough the moment is over, Finn checking the time. "Come on," he tells her gently, helping her to her feet.

He walks downstairs ahead of her, each step as tense as the next. She doesn't mention anything of it, though, since he's understandably anxious about the night, as is she. At least they're going through this together, she thinks. He'll be her safety net, ensuring that she doesn't fall too far.

"We're gonna get going now," Finn announces to Rachel, who's sat in the corner of the couch with a book in her lap and Sarah curled into her side. With her free hand, she gently combs her fingers through the little girl's thick curls, much to the contentment of Sarah.

She lowers the book at the sound of Finn's voice, eyes briefly glancing over the two of them. "Okay," she nods, voice going quiet and very un-Rachel. For the past couple of days, she's been persistent with the idea that it'd be better if she went along with them, but her dad had said no each and every time. Ellie understands both their reasoning, but she didn't miss the look of sadness that had crossed Rachel's face at every refusal. Even now, the woman doesn't even bother to hide the fact that her smile is more of a grimace and her mouth opens and closes with unshared words. Finn smiles toward her, leaning down and sweeping her into his embrace, as if to tell her that everything is going to be okay, that she doesn't need to worry. Still, her expression doesn't falter even as he pulls away. Ellie frowns deeply at that, chest tightening. She takes Finn's place in hugging Rachel, burying her face into the woman's shoulder as Rachel hugs back with as much strength as her. "Have a good time," Rachel tells her, her words now genuine. As Ellie pulls back, she gives a loving smile and gently sweeps back her bangs, "you look really pretty."

"Thanks mom," Ellie whispers, instantly adding, "love you."

"I love you too, sweetie."

Their tender moment is interrupted with Sarah pushing at her side. "Ugh, Ellie – squished." She grumbles from the spot where she's being pushed into the couch, earning a low chuckle from both Rachel and Ellie. Rachel reaches to tug Sarah onto her lap, hugging her daughter tightly to her chest and resting her chin on her head.

She rises to her feet once more, moving to stand beside her dad who in turn smiles down at her. He heaves in a deep sigh, "you can still change your mind, you know that right?" She looks from him to Rachel, finding matching expressions of concern staring back at her.

"I know," she nods, maintaining strength to her voice, even if inside her feeling don't match that strength. "But I want to. I-I have to." She tugs her lower lip between her teeth, dropping her eyes to the floor, before a small tug from her dad has her gaze returning upwards.

"Let's go then kiddo." He pats her shoulder, then says a final goodbye to the rest of the family as she gets their coats from the hallway. Finn is out of the door first, Ellie lingering for just a few seconds more. With a look thrown over her shoulder, she catches a glimpse of heartbreak spreading across Rachel's features.

* * *

They come to a halt in the parking lot, but neither make a move to get out the car. Her dad is doing it again, his fingers clinging around the poor steering wheel as though he's trying to strangle it. The silence is broken when they each suck in a deep breath, letting the air out slowly in the form of a sigh. "So..." he begins, not really sure how to end the sentence.

"Yeah," Ellie replies. She throws her head back against the seat, staring at the ceiling of the car. "What is she like?"

"Hmm?" he looks over to her; her words had been so mumbled and quiet that he could barely pick them up.

"My mother – Kate," her mouth twists around the unfamiliar sentence, "what is she like?"

He gives her a sideways glance, hands moving from the steering wheel to remain tensely in his lap instead. "What do you want to know?"

She hesitates before asking, "is she like me?"

"Well," he clears his throat, "I can see her in you sometimes. Not as much as I used to, but it's still there. She looks like you, or you look like her I should really say – uh, you're pretty low maintenance like her too, even with Rachel's influence on you all these years. And you know, she's a journalist so that's probably where you got your way with words from... especially considering that I still get confused with objectify and personify." She cracks a smile at that, letting herself momentarily forget about the situation that she finds herself in. It's just her and her dad, him making her smile just like he always does.

But other than a few things, she doesn't seem to be like Kate at all. Ellie isn't sure whether that upsets her or sets relief through her body. While she doesn't exactly want to share any similarities with someone who did what she did, she feels a twinge of sadness at not sharing many characteristics with the woman that she shares half of her DNA with.

Eventually she feels Finn tap her knee gently, bringing her from her thoughts. Peering at the time, she notes that they've been sitting there for a good fifteen minutes. "Wanna go in?" he asks with a tremble to his voice. "I know that it's scary, I'm a little scared, too. But we'll do it together, right?" He holds out his pinkyfinger expectantly, lips curving slightly when she locks hers tightly around it.

"Right," she nods in agreement, letting Finn pull her into his arms, where he presses a soft kiss against her forehead. As soon as he slips away, opening the door, she follows suit and heads toward the entrance of the restaurants, a nagging nauseous feeling drowning her body. She doesn't know what's worse; meeting her birth mom unexpectedly, and facing the intense shock that came with that, or the anticipation of meeting her a second time, her heart filled with a concoction of dread and hope of the upcoming situation.

She silently follows her dad through the room, keeping close to his side. "Hi," he begins, "we've got a table booked under the name Hudson."

"Of course Sir," he bows his head slightly, "the other member of your party has already arrived."

Finn gives a curt nod, though she sees surprise register in his eyes briefly, but just as quickly he's moving toward their table. She picks up the pace, only to slow again as Kate comes into view. Her dirty blonde hair is tied back in a high pony tail, revealing the strong frame of her face. Ellie once again finds herself staring at woman, unable to look away. She'd never expected the physical resemblance between her and her birth mother to be so strong, considering that people have always told her that she looks like her dad, with the dimples and smile, but if they would have met Kate, they'd definitely know which parents she looks the most like.

It's strange, unnerving, and she's not sure whether she likes it.

They'd seen Kate before she'd noticed their arrival, but when she does her face lights up at the sight of Ellie, who in turn shifts uncomfortably under her appraisal. She desperately wants to know what's going through Kate's mind while reminding herself to keep her head held high and not to shy away too much.

"Hi." It's Kate who speaks first, soft yet strong at the same time. Ellie tries to hold the same strength in her own voice, but fails.

"Hi," she repeats, the shock still evident in her tone. They take a moment, eyes drifting over the other, Kate doing so with a small smile. Ellie doesn't realize when she talks, until the words have stumbled out of her mouth. "I never thought I'd meet you."

The smile drops at that, face clouding with sadness. Her lips fall open, clearly wanting to say something, but nothing follows. It's then that Finn clears his throat, and with a shred of guilt that she hasn't even realized he'd been hovering beside her the whole time. He helps her into her seat, where she finds herself facing her mother, with her dad sitting between them. She sucks in a deep breath in an attempt to steady her racing heart. They're enveloped in silence for a few minutes, unsure stares meeting nervous ones. What is she supposed to say? There's not exactly a guide on this sort of thing, and her usual affinity for words is failing her right now.

After the silence almost becomes unbearable, Finn tries to save the day. "So, I um, I know that neither of us really expected this to happen, but I know that Ellie... she wants to know you and get some answers." His eyes meet Kate's, "and I think you owe her that."

Kate nods, her face serious. A sigh then follows and she turns her attention to Ellie. "I know that this isn't easy and you're used to things with your dad. I just..." Her expression twists with regret, "I've done a lot of stupid things in my life, but the thing that I regret the most is how I left things with you."

She observes the woman as she talks, trying to determine if her words are genuine. The way her voice quivers with tears convinces her enough, so much that she feels a pang of sympathy for her. Her dad had told her about how it'd come to be just the two of them beforehand. Him and Kate had been together for just a few months during their last year of college as she studied for a literature major and him working towards becoming a teacher. It'd be a brief relationship, only lasting a few months before it'd ended in a mutual break up. Only weeks later she'd found out she was pregnant. While they didn't restart their relationship, he was still part of the pregnancy, helping as much as he could.

But then things had gone downhill from there. After her birth, Kate had become distant, leaving him with her more during the first few weeks, until she'd disappeared altogether, leaving him a mere note saying how sorry she was.

Ellie feels her heart sink again as she rethinks the story, the feeling of abandonment catching up with her. While she's always been given attention from her dad, there have been lonely moments. Not like the time when he'd first gotten together with Rachel and there'd been that whole ordeal of dealing with change and sharing him, but genuine lonely moments.

"You regret it?" she asks quietly, fingers idly playing with the napkin on the table.

"Every day," Kate insists. "I've had to live with my decision for the past sixteen years."

"Then why didn't you contact me sooner?"

She doesn't mean to snap, but it happens without her control. Looks like some anger is finally surfacing, anger than is most definitely justified. Kate is clearly taken aback by the amount of animosity to her words, but proceeds nonetheless. "I – I _should_ have," she says.

"But you _didn't_," she throws back.

"No," she bows her head, "I didn't, but if I could go back and change my actions, I would." Her eyes plead with the girl, "you have to believe me."

Her chest clenches, Ellie suddenly feeling guilt sweep over her. She doesn't want to be bitter and pissed about this, but she has the right to be, doesn't she? And while a part of her years for a relationship with her birth mother, she needs the whole truth outed before she can go any further with this. All attempts of responding fall flat. Finn jumps in again, his hand gently clasping over hers.

"Maybe we should talk about something else," he suggests, noticing how tense Ellie has become. She nods, while Kate searches for a subject.

"So, uh, how's school? What are you, a junior?"

Ellie manages a small smile, "yeah, I just started junior year."

"Only a couple more years then," she says, "any idea what you want to do?"

She gives a shrug, but Finn offers an answer for her, clearly trying to keep some conversation going, "she likes writing."

"Writing?" Kate's face lightens with interest, "what kind of writing?"

"Fictional mostly," Ellie replies, "I always wanted to write my own novel, but recently mom got me into writing screenplay. It's actually kind of fun." For a moment, she sees Kate's expression falter, but continues her speech. "I think maybe I could compose and write musicals, or something." She mutters the last part, never really having mentioned that desire to anyone. Ever since Rachel joined the family, she'd quickly learned to read music, and has a knack for piano, but thinking and doing are two completely different things.

Still, Kate gives a wide smile, "that sounds like it could be lots of fun."

She looks down shyly, feeling herself nod. The last time she felt this shy she was starting out High School and knew hardly anyone in such a large school. Now she's only facing one person and it's much scarier than facing an entire school's worth of stranger. Eventually, she summons some words. "Dad said that you're a journalist."

"She started out with her school newspaper," Finn interjects.

"I did, but now I like to think I've gotten much further than that. I was a news editor in San Diego for a few years. I'm actually taking a break from most of my reporting now though."

"How come?" Ellie asks without even thinking, clearly knowing the answer already. For a few moments, she wonders if work were the reason why she chose not to raise her, but a feeling in her gut tells her otherwise.

As they order dinner and it soon arrives, the flow of conversation becomes easier, only filled with a few awkward stances here and there. It's natural, she tells herself, since they're practically strangers thrust into a dinner scenario. But Kate is happy to answer any questions that she has, including where she's been living for the past few years (California, which is kind of cool); some more standard things like, does she have any pets, her favorite foods, things to do, but soon the questions become a little more inquisitive, a little deeper. When Ellie asks her if she has any more children, both adults show shock at the forwardness carried by the question.

She clears her throat slightly, shaking her head. "No, I don't."

Somehow, that makes her a little happier, and she has no idea why. "What about a boyfriend?" she asks, "a husband?"

"Ellie, that's a little personal," Finn says, but then she gives him a look. This woman is her _birth mother_, of course she's going to ask her personal questions.

"No, it's okay," Kate assures him, then looks to Ellie, "I was married for a couple of years, but it didn't really work out. We had this whole long distance thing going on and well, you know how it goes sometimes."

She frowns a little guiltily. "Oh, I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

Ellie casts her look to her dad, noticing him a little fidgety in his seat, face slightly tense. When she sends him a looks of confusion, he mutters something about needing the bathroom. _Oh_. "Then go," she orders gently, knowing that he's probably only hesitant because he doesn't want to leave them alone together.

She gives a small nod to her dad, telling him that she can handle herself for the three minutes that he's away at the bathroom. They both watch him walk away, before their eyes slowly meet again. Ellie gives a nervous smile, then takes a sip of her drink just to give herself something to do. The entire time Kate watches her with her own smile. "You look so grown up," she eventually says, almost proudly.

"Well, I am sixteen," she says.

"No, but," she pauses, "when I thought of you, I always thought of this little baby girl that I gave up all those years ago. And now you're... look at you, you're _so grown up._" Ellie feels herself blush at that, bowing her head slightly.

"Thank you."

Silence follows, but this time not so uncomfortably. It's almost... _nice_. Kate jumps in again, "am I what you imagined me to be like?" The words are asked eagerly, in contract to Ellie's timidness. But she feels like there's a hidden meaning behind her question. _Did you ever think about me?_

She searches for the right words. "I'm not really sure how I imagined you," she says honestly, "when I thought about you, it was really what you'd say and do rather than what you looked like or anything. I mean, I just always imagine you... being a mom, you know? Doing mom things." She stumbles over her own words, feeling foolish for how silly it sounds.

Kate gives a small smile, "and when you thought about that... was that when you were younger or... recently?"

The question is unexpected, but she manages to recover quickly. "I suppose I did think about it more when I was younger." She drops her gaze to the table at said admission, but she doesn't want to lie to her; that's not the best way to start any relationship.

"Oh."

"Well," she worries her lower lip between her teeth briefly, "things changed after my dad married Rachel."

"Rachel?" she raises a perfectly shaped brow. "That woman at your house?"

"Yeah, that's Rachel," Ellie nods, slowly observing Kate's reaction. For the first time that night, her face is stoic. There's a hint of something, not quite jealously, but something brewing that Ellie can't quite decipher.

"When did your dad get married?" Her attempts at sounding breezy and casual fail her.

"Um, nine years ago, they've been together for ten years though." She sees Kate's mouth move as though she's going to speak, but she stops herself, keeping whatever comments to herself. Ellie is grateful, especially if said comments weren't going to be exactly nicely directed toward either of her parents.

Instead, Kate says, "and those boys, were they...?"

"Yeah, they're my brothers. I was happy with just one brother, then mom and dad thought it'd be a good idea to have two more kids after that." She gives a playful groan and roll of her eyes, feeling as though it lightens the mood slightly. When Kate smiles, it's contagious and she feels her own lips tugging up. Despite the moment being brief, she enjoys every second of it; prior to this meeting she had somehow convinced herself that it would be all awkward questions about herself (and she really hates talking about herself sometimes) and her life, made even more awkward by the fact that her dad and birth mom would be sitting right next to each other.

Even they seem to be able to be civil with each other, perhaps even leaning toward nice. She knows that her dad isn't one to hold a grudge against someone, and she supposes that he got out most of his anger toward Kate during that argument they'd had on Monday. Still, she's glad that he can sort of enjoy himself tonight, even if the situation is far from ideal.

By the time the meal's drawing to a close, she's wearing a large smile as Kate as she retells the story of Finn changing her diaper for the first time. While he gives a bashful smile at it, Ellie is soon in full hysterics. She hasn't laughed this hard in so long, and what makes it even better is that it's something she never expected from tonight.

But eventually Finn leans back, lifting his arm to glance at his watch. "It's getting late, Ellie. And you have school in the morning."

She sighs; she doesn't want to go. "Okay daddy." While he settles the bill, she focuses her attention on Kate again as they walk out to the parking lot. "I'm – uh, thanks for tonight." She wishes that she didn't speak so lamely, but the words just come out that way.

"It was wonderful getting to talk to you," Kate smiles brightly. "Do you think," she slowly eyes Finn who's a few feet away, "that maybe we could do something like this again?"

Ellie can't help the way her face lights up, nor does she want to. "I'd really like that," she nods eagerly. "I could give you my number? So you can just call or text...?"

As they quickly exchange numbers, Ellie catches sight of her dad lingering, probably wanting to give them a private moment. She sends him a thankful glance. Turning back to Kate, she stands a little awkwardly, not sure what to say next. "Well, um, bye."

Kate hesitates for a moment, before leaning forward and catching her in a brief hug. The shock wears off quickly enough for Ellie to hug back, a soft smile on her lips as she breathes in the woman's sweet perfume. "Goodbye Ellie. I'll call you." With that, she steps outside into the night, a small wave to Finn who returns it. In a few strides he's caught up with Ellie, arm sweeping over her shoulder.

"So?"

"So what?"

He pauses, and then asks, "how do you feel? Was everything okay?"

"She's really nice and I feel, I don't know – sort of satisfied. A part of me thought that she was going to be horrible."

"Not horrible," he corrects, "but she has changed in the last sixteen years."

Tilting her head curiously, Ellie inquires, "What do you mean by that?"

"Just that she seems a lot more mature and grown up."

"Well, that's what happens when you get old," she smirks in his direction, to which Finn cocks his brow.

"Are you saying that I'm old?"

"Not at all," she says emphatically, grinning widely. The night has left her with a drunk giddiness that she doesn't want to come down from at all. Finn seems to notice this, happy to see his daughter acting such a way after that precarious meeting. She smiles; hopefully they'll stop worrying about her so much now.

* * *

The door closes loudly behind them, reverberating through the quiet house. Finn steps further into the hallway, peering around for any signs of life. "Rach?" Ellie shrugs off her coat, hanging it up, as he moves around the house in search of his wife.

She lingers back, letting the night catch up with her. A smile finds its way to her lips without her knowing. While not everything was shared during dinner, she finally has some perspective on the whole situation, another side to the story. In all honesty, after speaking to her friends and seeing how her dad acted around Kate, she'd expected to highly dislike her, for the woman to be just as disappointing as she has been throughout her life. But she couldn't be further from the truth. That dinner has just left her yearning for more, to know exactly who her mother is and for the woman to know her, too.

But that just leaves one problem...

As she sets foot in the living room, she finds her parents caught in an embrace, his lips lingering along her hairline. A faint smile grows on her lips, but it doesn't quite meet hers eyes. Leaning against the doorway, she remains quiet and watches Finn whisper something in her ear, lifting her from the floor just slightly. She giggles, slapping at his chest while he swings her softly.

Ellie feels her heart sink as she watches them. Will they be upset at her for wanting to build a relationship with Kate? So far, they've shown nothing but worry over her return, and while they okayed the dinner, they're still not entirely on board with everything. Not from the way Rachel's face falls a little when Kate is mentioned, or Finn seems overly tense all the time. She doesn't want to make that worse.

"Did you have fun?" She blinks, then peers toward Rachel who's giving her a hesitant smile. _That's_ what she wants to avoid; the constant wariness of her parents every time she does something with Kate. They think she's going to end up hurting her, she can see it in their eyes. But... she _won't_. If that was her intention, then why come back at all? It'd made someone pretty cruel to do something like that, especially to their own daughter. Kate was nothing close to cruel.

Showing Rachel that all is good, she gives a warm smile and nods. "I had fun, but I'm kind of tired so I'm going to head up to bed."

"Okay sweetheart," she says, not before giving her a strong hug and a kiss to the cheek. Finn does the same, hugging her a little more as she thanks him for setting up the meeting. She manages a quick shower before spending a little while on her laptop. She tells Rose how the meeting had gone, happy to hear only support from her best friend, and then soon enough settles for bed just before eleven. Just as she's putting her phone on charge for the night, she notices a new message, curiously going to open it. Her heart thumps a little stronger when she realizes it's from Kate.

_Goodnight Ellie, I really hope that we can do something for your birthday, just the two of us x_

The very suggestion has her bouncing with excitement on her bed, quickly texting back with a reply that she'll have to check with her parents but it should be okay. With a smile on her lips, she quickly falls asleep, her dreams filled with happy thoughts rather than the anxious, dreaded ones she's been experiencing these past few nights.

* * *

**Please review :)**


	4. Birthday blues

**Time for another update! I am loving this fic, I hope you guys are too :3**

**This chapter is self beta'd, and I'm very tired right now, so forgive me for any mistakes. I will check over it again when I can keep my eyes open for longer than ten seconds!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Happy birthday!" she wakes up to see her parents beaming down at her with grins that would make the Cheshire cat jealous. Wiping the sleep from the corners of her eyes, she manages to sit up in bed with the little space that they've left her, positioned on either side of the girl.

"Hmm, what time is it?" she tiredly asks, something to distract them before they burst into singing to her. While they both have good voices, it's too early for that sort of stuff.

Rachel beams, practically giddy with happiness. "Just after seven. But that's not important." She dismisses the thought with a small wave of her hand. "What _is_ important is celebrating your birthday!" she catches Ellie in a hug, "I can't believe you're seventeen already. It's almost ten years ago since I first met you."

Ellie feels a smile grow on her lips as she considers how much has changed in those ten years, for the good. But then comes to more pressing matters as she tugs herself out of Rachel's hug, "did you get me presents?"

"Maybe," she says in a sing song voice, "but first you need to get up and dressed."

She pulls a face, "why do I need to get dressed to open my presents?"

Her dad gives a knowing smile, nudging her side ever so gently, "you'll see. Now up, come on."

With a dramatic sigh, she rolls onto her side, eyes closing for a few minutes. "Can't I have like, twenty more minutes in bed? I'm tired." When she cranks one eye open, she finds the two of them giving her a bemused look, "I need my sleep."

"You also need to come and open your presents," Rachel smiles. When that's followed by another groan, they give her a few more minutes before ushering her downstairs. She's excited, she is, but sometimes it's just nice to allow yourself those few extra minutes in bed in the morning. Apparently that isn't her on parent's agenda as she's pushed into the living room, finding a pile of neatly wrapped presents. As usual, it barely takes her any time to delve into the pile, tearing and ripping at the paper with little care, only wanting to see what's inside.

When she's finished, she smiles toward her new set of books, which will hopefully keep her occupied for some time, along with a shiny new Ipod and other smaller presents. The handmade card from Daniel makes her smile wider than ever, as does the necklace that her dad buys her.

But that smile's wiped off her face as she checks her birthday messages on her phone, realizing that she hasn't had anything from Kate as of yet. The sadness is kept at bay when suddenly her parents share a look, then encourage her to her feet. Confused, but also curious, she lets them blindfold her and doesn't complain too much as they ignore her questions.

Clutching onto either arm of her parents, she's led through the house, the blindfold firmly over her eyes. Her steps are hesitant, especially since she's already tripped over her own feet a couple of time. "Why are you being so secretive?" she enquires of them, only to be shushed with equal levels of excitement by Finn and Rachel.

"Okay, we're going down a step," Rachel informs her, "be careful." The woman's grip tightens on her momentarily as they step downwards, keeping the blindfolded girl steady. Ellie suddenly feels the soft breeze pushing past her, the morning sun warming her face.

"What are we doing outside?"

"It's a surprise," Finn responds, barely able to control the excitement in his voice. "Right, now stop. You ready?" The anticipation bubbles away inside of her, Ellie nodding with a wide smile as she considers what could possibly be waiting for her on the other side of this blindfold. In a matter of seconds, it's removed from her eyes, leaving her blinking a couple of times at the bright sunlight. But when she does, eyes focusing on the car that definitely _wasn't_ there yesterday. The navy car is finished with a light pink bow over the hood.

Ellie stands there in a gaze, mouth dropped open. Eventually, she comes to and bounces on her feet. "You got me a _car_?!" In her excitement, she doesn't notice that small squeal that escapes her lips, before she runs toward the beautiful, new car.

"Actually, it's a gift from all of your grandparents." Her parents follow her, Finn's hand coming down on her shoulder with a serious expression. "Now, remember, having a car is a very serious responsibility. And we expect you to take very good care of this. Always wear your seatbelt, pay attention to the road; if you have your friends with you don't get distracted while talking about boys or shoes or -"

Rachel gives him a small shove, rolling her eyes. "We know that you're going to be responsible, your dad is just worrying."

"I will be careful, I promise!" She manages to wrap her arms around the both of them, smiling as the three pull into a tight embrace. "Thank you so much," she mumbles against Finn's shoulder, "this is the best present ever."

"You need to thank your grandparents," Rachel reminds her with a soft smile, "but we may have told them that you've been asking for a car since you were twelve." She gently leans forward to kiss Ellie's hairline, "now I need to go and make sure that your brothers are actually ready for school and that Sarah hasn't escaped the play pen again." With a light chuckle, Ellie lets her go and instead tilts toward her dad.

"Did I ever tell you that you're the best dad ever?" she grins.

He gives a look of pure pride, "well, I'm not opposed to hearing it more often." His eyes move over the car again, "you'll be safe though, right?"

"Daddy, I'm always careful."

"This car isn't for you to pick up guys either," he says, voice devoid of any humor, "it's for going to school and important things, not... _that_." She gives a small scoff, raising her brow at that implication.

"And why can't I use it to pick up guys?" Ellie attempts to sound as serious as possible, a smirk threatening to push its way onto her lips. It's all worth it when she sees the color drain from her dad's face, mouth falling slack. "I'm seventeen years old," she adds, "hardly your little girl anymore."

Finn secures his arm around her, managing to breathe again. "You'll always be my little girl." He then hastily adds, "and if you _are_ going to have a boy in the car, don't bring him where I can see him or I may do something I'll regret. Just a warning."

"Dad, not every guy out there wants to take advantage of me," she rolls her eyes; she's heard this time and time again, ever since she rose to the age where boys were no longer gross and actually kind of cute. He makes that expression again, the slightly pained one, to which Ellie only shakes her head. "I promise. There are actually some pretty decent guys out there." He scoffs, earning a playful nudge in the side from Ellie. She peers up to him, "so, can I take it for a spin?" A wide beam sets on her face, the girl swaying on the balls of her feet as she pleads with her eyes.

"I think you can wait thirty minutes until you have to go to school," he says, "you haven't even had any breakfast." With that, he tries ushering her inside the house, but Ellie pouts and whines the entire way back.

"I wanna ride my new car!" she insists, sounding much younger than her seventeen years; Finn can barely keep in a laugh.

He pulls her in for a loose hug, "soon, sweetheart."

Though not very impressed with that answer, she still goes to join Rachel and the others in the kitchen. Daniel and Caleb are enjoying their pancakes, if their stuffed mouths are anything to go by, while Sarah's face is hidden behind a mask of maple syrup and little pieces of pancake. With a small smile, she sits herself beside her sister, "you enjoying those pancakes, sis?"

"Mhmmm, yummy," she smacks her lips together, reaching for another piece.

"Are there any more, mom?"

As if on cue, Rachel places a plate of steaming pancakes in front of her. A grin instantly spreads across her face, and she choruses out a "thank you!" before diving in happily. This is starting to be a pretty awesome birthday.

* * *

She puts on another large smile as she's dragged from family member to the next in order for them all to wish her a happy birthday. Her cheeks ache with the effort, and all she wants to do is go get something to eat. Ellie is used to the townhouse having a constant wave of visitors, but right now it's brimming with people, all of which are asking her the same questions over and over. There's only so many times she can answer about school (boring as usual), or if she has a boyfriend (to which she gives a polite smile and says no, not giving them a chance to dig further). She loves her family, she does. But being the center of attention isn't exactly her forte. Rachel loves it, so does Sarah – even Caleb and Daniel have an affinity for the spotlight sometimes, but Ellie often finds herself shying away from it.

Suddenly she feels a pair of arms wrap around her, pulling her into a hug from behind. "Hey baby," Rachel greets her happily, "having fun?"

"Yuh huh," she grins, "Papa and Grampa gave me $200."

She pulls away with surprise, "after they paid half of your car?" A soft smile then grows on her face, "they spoil you."

"Hey, it _is_ my birthday," she reminds her with a smirk.

"I know, I know. But still, $200. That's a lot."

"Yeah, you never give me that much," Ellie twists herself in Rachel's arms so they're face to face.

The woman simply shakes her head in bemusement, "no, but I pay for you to eat and have a roof over your head. New clothes, night's out, the latest gadgets. Not to mention the holidays - and then there are your brothers and sister... who knew that kids were so expensive?"

"Hey," Ellie holds her hands up in mock defence, "no one made you have any more kids."

"Oh, I think your father was quite insistent on it," she gives a smirk that makes Ellie cringe.

"Mom," she draws out the word, "I don't want to think about... _that_ with you and dad. Ever. Ew. That's just disgusting."

With a small scoff, she only shakes her head, "there shouldn't be a taboo on a man and woman loving each, Ellie. It's actually very important to have a healthy sex life -"

Placing her hands on her ears, she spins around in a flash. "Not listening, mom," she says loudly, earning herself a few stares. She spies her dad in the kitchen, and makes a swift exit from Rachel. He sips on his beer, face breaking into a smile when he sees her.

"There's the birthday girl!" he grins, pulling her to his side to place a kiss to her cheek, "um, why does your mom look annoyed?"

"Oh, she's just trying to give me the whole 'sex is natural and healthy' talk again."

He winces, then shakes his head. "Okay, I'm not getting involved in this." She silently thanks him, absent-mindedly following the conversation that he continues with Carole. While every seems to be giving her a few moments of peace, she whips her phone from her pocket, once again checking for any new activity. Nothing. A sigh quickly follows that, along with a flood of disappointment. Is it wrong of her to have expected something from Kate, even a simple text? She's reached out to her in order to start a relationship, and now on this first opportunity she's fallen short. Ellie feels a frown slip onto her face as her hopes of spending a birthday with her real mom begin to fade away.

With her dad now distracted, she detaches herself from his side and finds herself slipping into a quieter room for some privacy. She isn't sad, well not really. Just... she expected _more_. Once again, she checks her phone, this time anger brewing inside at the lack of any communication. She recalls how happy she'd been to receive the text from Kate last week, how she'd convinced herself that the two of them would have an amazing time together, pushing past the walls and learning about the other. But apparently that isn't in Kate's plan.

Ellie gives out a small huff, crossing her arms across her chest haughtily. The urge to cry is overwhelming and so sudden that she can't help giving into it, only slightly. She scolds herself for getting upset so easily, because that's not her; she isn't the girl who cries over every little thing. But something about the whole situation just sets her off, and once one tear rolls down her cheek, others dutifully follow.

Throwing her head back against the couch where she sits, she doesn't realize when the door slides open, her two year old sister toddling inside with a grin on her face. When Ellie isn't watching, her grin shifts into one of mischief, and the next second she's pouncing on the unsuspecting girl, laughing to herself at Ellie's expression. "You scared me," she tells her, using her arm to wipe away any of the remaining tears.

Upon seeing them, the smile drops from Sarah's face, and she looks to her older sister with the uttermost care in her deep brown eyes. "Ellie okay?"

"Yeah, sure," she lies a little unconvincingly, but how is she supposed to explain her predicament to a two year old? She doesn't quite understand her feelings on the whole thing herself. "I just, I'm sad that I didn't get a puppy for my birthday."

"No puppy," Sarah says with a frown, then adds, "me want puppy."

She breathes a sigh of relief at having the conversation detoured so easily, and allows a smile back onto her face. "Hmm, me too. A little fluffy puppy."

"We get one?" she sits back on her knees, eyeing the girl curiously, while her eyes sparkle with the prospect of a puppy.

"Sorry sweetie, we can't have a dog. Caleb is allergic to them."

The small pout that follows makes Ellie laugh, picking up Sarah and placing her gently on her lap, where she happily curls against her. Hugging the girl against her chest like she used to her stuffed animals, she feels her happy mood returning. Well, there's still a lingering disappointment, but there's not much that she can do about that, is there? Sarah clings back, the cuddly little thing she is and nuzzles her head against Ellie's shoulder.

Ellie kisses her forehead, then says, "don't tell anyone, but you're my favorite sister. You know that, right?"

This has the desired effect on the girl, whose face suddenly glows with pride. Chuckling, Ellie continues, "what did you come in here looking for anyway?"

"Cake," she mumbles into her shirt.

Frowning, she asks, "you were looking for cake? In here?" She proceeds to peer around, in the smallish room which Rachel uses for her vocal lessons. The main point of feature is the grand piano in the center, with a few pieces of seating scattered around. And god forbid that anyone eat in here. Rachel would go berserk. Even at the tender age of two, Sarah knows that rule.

"No, you cake," Sarah corrects herself, leaving a slightly baffled Ellie.

It's not until moments later when Caleb runs in announcing that it's time for the birthday cake that she realizes what Sarah was trying to say. "Okay, let's go." She says enthusiastically, managing a real smile as she lifts Sarah easily and leads Caleb with her free hand into the dining room where the rest of the family are gathered. While her lie was easy to convince Sarah, Rachel instantly sees the faint tear tracks on her cheeks, concern etched on her previously happy features.

"I'm fine," she insists, or more snaps – as she guiltily realizes moments later – at the woman who is on her in seconds. Rachel takes a step back, features pulling tightly together, before she nods.

"I was – I just wanted to make sure," she explains herself, reaching to take Sarah from Ellie's grasp so that she can blow at the candles on the cake ("I got it from your favorite bakery," Rachel announces with a hesitant smile briefly after Ellie's small outburst. The guilt falls on her like a ton of bricks at that moment.) She musters up a smile then, and thanks both of her parents for the party, the presents.

It's when she's contently eating away at her piece of cake that her phone vibrates, informing her of an incoming call. She snatches to reach it out of her pocket, so much that she startles Finn who's stood next to her. Her heart thumps that little bit louder as she notices the caller ID. _Kate_. Mumbling an apology to her dad, she slips out into the hallway to take the call more privately – or away from the prying eyes (well, _ears_) of her parents.

"Hey," she greets, not even giving the woman time to reply before she adds, "I thought you weren't going to call at all..." Her tone is asking for reassurance from the woman, reassurance that her minor worries about Kate not caring all that much were false.

"I'm sorry, Ellie. I've just been tied up all day." Kate then pauses, and she can practically hear the smile in her voice as she says, "Happy birthday."

"Thank you." She waits then, wondering what's going to come next.

There's another pause, and _finally_, "is it too late for us to do something tonight? I mean, it's only eight, but I could still take you somewhere, if you'd like."

"I'd love that," she's quickly to reply. But she has to rethink her answer, "I mean, I'll have to ask mom and dad... but I'm sure they'd be okay with it. People are already going home from my party."

"Oh, you're having a party?" Doubt crawls into her voice.

"Well, only a little one." She hurries to say, "with some family over."

"So no one will mind if I steal you for a little while?" It's spoken jokingly, but she struggles to summon a laugh from herself.

Still, she finds herself answering back with, "I'm sure they won't. But I do need to ask if I can go anywhere. It's a school night so..."

"Right, that's completely fine. Just call me back after you've asked and I'll pick you up, alright?"

"Wait, where are you taking me?" she questions with a shaking voice.

There's no hint of hesitance as Kate replies with a teasing voice, "you'll see." With that, she hangs up, and Ellie has to take a few moments to compose herself, even after the incredibly brief exchange. In all honesty, she'd expected it to be a little more heartfelt, rather than the succinct affair that it was. Shaking her head slightly, she tiptoes back to the living room, finding just her close family remaining. They smile at the sight of her, Ellie perching herself on the arm of the chair where her Papa sits.

Rachel clears her throat quietly, but not so quietly asks, "who was on the phone, sweetie?"

All eyes on her, Ellie glances down. It's only then that she notices how hard Rachel is clinging onto Finn's hand. "Well, it was um, it was Kate." The silence that follows is filled with discomfort, spreading throughout the room until everyone is under its spell. Ellie shifts uncomfortably under every gaze from the family, wishing that she could be invisible right about now. As her gaze moves around the sea of eyes, they finally stop on Rachel's. While most of the others contain surprise, hers hold no ounce of that; instead just sadness.

The woman is stiff, voice tense as she asks, "what did she want?"

Eyes moving to her father in a desperate plea for some privacy, she's relieved when he suggests they move to the kitchen. The three step inside, the door closed behind them in an instant. Rachel taps her foot impatiently, "so?"

"She wants to know if we can do something tonight."

Her dad looks thoughtful, only to be crossed as Rachel snipes, "absolutely not."

Feeling her heart drop, Ellie manages out, "why not?"

"You have school in the morning, you can't go gallivanting around with a woman that you've barely met just because she's -"

"Rach," Finn manages to silence her, hands resting on her tight shoulders. She gives a strong huff, jaw set. Ignoring this, he turns his attention back to Ellie, "did she say where she was going to take you?"

"She wanted to keep it a surprise," Ellie says quietly, hating the way that she feels guilty about wanting to do something with her own mother. This is the feeling she's been wanting to avoid the whole time, but she'd be kidding herself if she'd thought she could ignore it entirely. Her dad at least attempts to give a smile now, and she manages a shaky breath. "So... what do you think?"

Heaving in a sigh, he questions, "you really wanna go?"

Ellie nods quickly.

"Alright, let me talk to her first, while you go get ready." A grin growing on her face, she bounces her way over to him, wrapping her arms around her dad in a tight hug. With a series of 'thank you's following, she barely notices the look of shock on Rachel's face at his decision, especially as he ushers her upstairs, not before her excited phone call to Kate.

All previous dashed hopes are blinded by the sudden happiness she feels, making it so she's barely able to keep still. It's still in the back of her mind somewhere, but as it is now she chooses to given Kate the benefit of the doubt. Sure, she could've called sooner. In the end though, she _did_ call. And the sheer relief of that is enough to keep her placated, even as she hears the muffled voices of her parents arguing over Finn's decision. They'd moved to their bedroom at some point, not that she blames them. It'd been getting pretty out of hand, and while Rachel is one for drama, when it comes to her and Finn she prefers to keep their disagreements more private.

Guilt tugs at her again, but Ellie pushes it away. Nothing is going to ruin her birthday. Nothing.

* * *

**Please review :)**


	5. Heart to heart

**I am so sorry for the lack of updates! Admittedly, I've been a little lazy, but at the same time I have work, a course and university applications to deal with. Hopefully I can get the next chapter up with less of a delay.**

**This is unbeta'd, so please forgive any typos. I have read through it three times already.**

**Enjoy! **

* * *

She slowly makes her way downstairs, finding just Rachel in the living room, her hand clasped tightly around a glass of wine. Ellie checks the clock; just before nine. "Is everyone gone?" her voice fills the silence, and Rachel jerks her head in Ellie's direction.

"They left while you were getting ready," she replies, twisting her body slowly so that she's facing Ellie. From there, the girl can see hesitance sewn into her features, "are you going soon?"

Nodding, she moves to sit beside Rachel, the silence stiff between them. This isn't right, it isn't how it's supposed to be between the pair. Ellie's fingers idly fidget with the hem of her skirt, not noticing as her her body inclines slightly toward Rachel's. The idea of Rachel being upset because of something she did causes a pang of sadness to pound through her heart. While she was in her room, her parents fight had escalated so quickly that she'd heard it from their room all the way down the hall. Though the words had been indecipherable from that distance, the passion and heat of which they were spoken was unmistakable (it's honestly the first time she's heard them yell at each other in years.)

As she turns her attention back to Rachel, she finds the woman staring at her with soft eyes. "What?" she questions.

"Nothing."

Ellie shifts, becoming victim to that hesitance once more, a hesitance that Rachel seems to notice this time. The woman moves forward to rid herself of the wine glass, then holds her arms open for Ellie to move into, which she does without a second thought. From where she rests her head, she can hear the steady heartbeat of Rachel, the only thing that seems dependable in this whole situation. "Are you okay with this?" she hears herself asking, desperately seeking some sort of approval from Rachel. Her outburst before had shocked her; she'd known that Rachel isn't exactly keen on the idea but to just downright disallow something had been a surprise. Even now, as the words are muttered, Rachel tenses beneath her, the once rhythmic heartbeat growing with erratic beats. "Mom?"

She tightens her arms around Ellie. "I'm not exactly thrilled with the idea," she confesses, eyes dropping for a few moments, followed by a shrug, "I'm still not comfortable with you being with her alone, because as much as your father denies it, she still really is a stranger. But you're... I know that you'll be responsible and if there's any problems, you'll call. Right?"

"Yes mom," she gives a tiny smile, "you don't need to worry about me."

"Just because you're seventeen now doesn't mean that you're not a kid anymore, or my daughter for that matter. I'm going to worry about you no matter what age you are, Ellie. You're my little girl." She does smile then, a hand coming to smooth over her soft hair, "and this whole thing with Kate – I just want you to be safe." Ellie opens her mouth to protest but the words fall short on her lips as Rachel brings out the next revelation, "I don't trust her."

At that, she practically recoils. For the past few days she's been trying to associate Kate with things other than the years of let down that she's offered, and the dinner had been a breakthrough; she'd been given _good_ memories of her birth mom. Now those good memories are being overshadowed by doubt, provided by Rachel (but also she can feel some bubbling within.) Everyone is so concerned about Kate, about her motives; Ellie had pushed hers to the back of her mind where they shouldn't bother her, where questions are left only to be answered by Kate, and not theorized by her family. She wants to so desperately believe that her intentions are good, yet it's hard with no one sharing that hope, not even Rachel it seems.

And she should have guessed that really. It didn't need the two to meet to realize that they weren't going to like each other. So far, just the mere mention of the other's name has the two women pulling their faces as though they're talking about something awful. The worst part is that it's leaving her in a terribly awful predicament where she has no idea what to do. On one hand, there's Rachel – she's her _mom_, her support, the one that she can go to for anything. Sure, Ellie's a daddy's girl, but she loves Rachel with her whole heart. Then there's Kate, who brings nothing but an uncertain future, who's missed out on so much of her life, but she genuinely seems to regret it.

Upon seeing her reaction, Rachel is quick to explain, "it's just that what I've heard from your father about her isn't exactly filling me with reassurance and I can see how much you want this to work, but if she hurts you I won't hesitate to hunt her down and -"

"Mom," Ellie gives a tentative smile, insisting, "I'll be fine. Honest. I'm pretty tough, you know." As they fall into silence once more, she searches Rachel's eyes, once again seeing that fear deep inside. "She's not going to replace you, mom," she says honestly.

Rachel's head whips around, eyes widening, "What? I didn't say..."

"I know, but -"

"Am I really being that obvious?" she asks sadly.

"Mom," she says, her words seriously, but laced with a soft tone. "Just because my birth mother is back in my life doesn't mean that I'm just going to forget all about you. You've been my mom since I was seven years old – no one can beat that." Rachel's arms wrap around her more tightly, as if thanking her for the assurance with the soft embrace. A warmth fills Ellie's body as it continues; she's always loved feeling so close to Rachel in instances like this, and today is no exception. "I'm sorry for snapping at you before, during the party."

"Hmm, I forgive you."

"I shouldn't have done it," she can barely bring herself to look into Rachel's eyes, feeling guilty over her actions, "I just felt pretty miserable because Kate hadn't called all day and I thought that... you know, she'd changed her mind or something."

With a small pout, Rachel kisses her forehead, "sweetheart, you should have told me."

She stares down at her hands, which are placed gently over Rachel's. "I didn't really want to talk about it."

A sigh follows. "You and your father..." Rachel shakes her head, "you're a little bit useless when it comes to talking about your feelings."

Ellie doesn't say anything at first, "I guess I just didn't want to worry anyone. I mean, everyone has been treating me like I'm made of glass recently and it's super annoying. I wish that things were just back to normal." Rachel looks a little guilty at that; she must know that she's been one of the main culprits for doing so. Sometimes it's like she doesn't even realize she's doing it, like it's just ingrained in the back of her mind to watch over Ellie and makes sure she's okay. That tiny though summons a smile to Ellie's lips, in smite of the heavy mood of the conversation.

"I don't think it can go back to normal," Rachel offers, "even if Kate packed up and just left," - Ellie winces at the very idea, - "you're still going to remember her, and think 'what if I did this instead' or what would have happened with the two of you..." She gives pause, not long after sighing, in more of a defeated way than anything else. "It will stay with you for the rest of your life."

She twists in Rachel's arms, gazing up curiously to the woman. Her face scrunches up at the unwanted words, though in her heart she knows that they're probably true. Still, the dashed hope of things becoming easier leaves a permanent frown to her face. Her chance to speak is robbed by her cell erupting with noise, scaring both Rachel and Ellie, who'd grown used to the quiet hush of the conversation. On her feet in a matter of seconds, she's answering, excitement bubbling up as Kate announces that she's outside.

When she turns, Rachel's standing, too. And her dad slowly enters the room, face as solemn as before when she'd seem him just after his and Rachel's argument. "Well, I'm going to get going... if that's okay with you guys?" He nods, then stops himself quickly. His eyes move past Ellie to Rachel, who stands with her arms folded tightly, teeth tugging at lower lip, as if asking for her permission too.

She perks up, only slightly, and then nods as well. "Yeah, you go – go and have fun, alright? But remember, you have a curfew, and if anything's wrong, just call one of us, no matter what."

Taking a long stride forward, her dad's hand comes to rest on her shoulder. "I'll pick you up if you want me to, or Kate can drop you off. I'm not having you on public transport by yourself late at night." She rolls her eyes automatically, though continues to nod to his words.

"I'll text you so you can come pick me up," she tells him with a small smile, standing on her toes to hug him goodbye. Although she's nowhere near Rachel's short stature, her dad is still a good few inches taller than her. "I'll see you guys later," Ellie says as she gives Rachel a small hug as well. She is in such a rush to get out of the door that she barely notices her dad following after her. "Dad, what are you doing?"

He doesn't falter on his march forward. "Look, I need to just have a few words with Kate to put mine and your mother's worries to rest for the night. And to set some ground rules. The next time she wants to do something with you, we'd like to know in advance, not thirty minutes before she comes to pick you up." Annoyance rolls off of him like waves, and Ellie slumps over slightly with guilt. Then her gaze is shifted as the car door opens, Kate stepping out.

Seeing the woman for the third time still leaves her a little breathless, but she manages a small smile in her direction, which is easily returned. It falls off her face however as her dad asks to talk to Kate in private, and insists that she go sit in the car, most likely to keep her prying ears away.

So for the next ten minutes she watches the back and forth between her dad and her birth mother, his stoic expression leading Ellie to believe that their conversation isn't the most amicable. She's been on the receiving end of that look many times, and it's not a nice place to be. But Kate holds her own, not soon after retreating to the car while her dad moves to the door step. The older woman smiles as she climbs into the car beside her, "right, now that the interrogation is over, let's go back to my place."

"Your place?" she questions nervously.

Kate gives pause, neck twisting so that she's facing Ellie, "that's alright, isn't it?"

She nods quickly. "Yeah, that's... that's good. I just didn't expect to go there so soon, I guess." She can't keep the happiness from her voice, an irreplaceable smile growing on her lips.

"Well, if we're going to be seeing each other a lot more, I want you to be comfortable in my apartment," she says honestly, "so let's head back, I've got food on the way and we can just have a night with the two of us. Sound good?"

Ellie gives a wide smile in reply.

* * *

The apartment is barer than she'd anticipated, more show home than liveable. For the first few minutes, she lingers around, the realization dawning on her that this woman may be her birth mother, but she's technically in a stranger's home. Body unnaturally stiff, she follows Kate around like a lost puppy as then woman shrugs off her jacket (Ellie promptly does the same) and then heads to the kitchen.

"Just make yourself at home," Kate tells her with a smile, appearing so confident and at ease that Ellie wishes she could reciprocate those feelings. She loosens up slightly, but not enough to be entirely comfortable. She leans against the doorway of the kitchen as the woman swiftly moves around the small kitchen space, pulling open the fridge. "Do you want something to drink?" she questions, "maybe some coke or a beer?"

Ellie snaps up at that, "a beer?" She asks hesitantly, staring toward the woman. "I'm underage."

She offers a warm smile, "look, you won't get in trouble if I'm the one giving it to you. And it's just going to be one or two, your dad won't even know."

With wary eyes, she watches as Kate retrieves two beer, opening one for herself before delicately sipping it. Her gaze moves to the second can, and an unsettled feeling washes over her. It's not the idea of drinking that's so worrying to her; it's the thought of her dad finding out and thinking that Kate is irresponsible. If that happens, he might forbid her from seeing Kate, and she really, most _emphatically_ does not want that to happen. But maybe a couple of beers might put her more at ease, finding herself about to bond with Kate more easily, something that she desperately desires.

So despite her better judgement she reaches out for the can and moments later takes a large gulp of the fizzy liquid. Beer isn't normally her first choice, but it's better than nothing. She'll just have to get used to the taste. Watching her, Kate gives another big smile and leads them to the main sitting area, with a crisp white couch and mid-sized TV. "I ordered us some Indian food," she tells Ellie, "it should be here soon. I didn't get much, because I guessed that you'd already ate, but I know this really nice place just a few blocks away. You'll love it."

Smiling thankfully, she joins her on the couch. "I'm sure I will. We don't really get take out much since mom is a little crazy when it comes to healthy eating sometimes.

"She is?"

"Oh yeah, she used to be vegan, when dad met her."

Kate raises her brow curiously, "and she isn't now?"

"Well, she kind of goes back and forth. With all her pregnancies, she ate meat like there was no tomorrow, and nowadays she's mostly vegan, but she has her moments where she slips up." She gives a small chuckle as she recalls the antics of Rachel and her constantly oscillating diet.

"Ah, well noboby's perfect, I guess."

She does a double take at Kate's words, but chooses not to question them. Instead, she leans back into the couch, staring more at the detail in the material than at her mother. "So," Kate fills in the silence, "have you had a good birthday so far?"

Ellie nods. "It's been wonderful. My grandparents bought me a car."

"A car?" She says, "bet you were glad to get that. I loved it when I finally got my own car – it was a little bit of freedom, you know?"

"Yeah, and now I don't have to ride the bus to school. I hate getting the bus. It always stinks." She pulls a face to emphasize it even further.

"Does your dad not drive you?"

"Not really," Ellie replies quietly, "he teaches at Léman Manhattan and that's where my brothers go, so he takes them in the morning and it's just easier for me to get the bus..."

"Never put Finn down as someone to work at a prep school," she gives a thoughtful nod, "what about this Rachel then? Does she not give you a ride?" She keeps her eyes to Ellie as she has more of her beer, while Ellie switches her crossed legs. The sudden interest in her family is a little strange, but she tells herself that Kate is just interested in knowing every aspect about her – at the same time she pushes back her mental notes about the woman's clear dislike for Rachel, if her tone is anything to go by."

She only shakes her head, "Rachel is busy enough at it is. She has to take care of Sarah, give classes. Ooh, and she's in the middle of making an album, so that's taking away a lot of her time."

There's a large amount of surprise in her eyes now, "she's making an album? I've never heard of a Rachel Hudson before..." Ellie doesn't miss the smirk that briefly makes its presence known on her lips, "she isn't just some nobody, is she?"

"Actually, she's been on _Broadway_ since she was nineteen. She's _incredible_ – it's really no wonder that she's won two Tony's, and I'm really surprised that she didn't start making an album earlier. Though I guess with four kids she's been pretty busy." She gives a tiny smile, aware of how hectic it can be in their house sometimes, especially with the varying ages of offspring. "And her stage name is Rachel Berry, that's her maiden name."

"Oh," Kate looks a little shown up, but then takes it in her stride, "that's enough talking about her, I want to know about you."

Ellie gives a wry smile, glancing down, "hmm, I don't really like talking about myself."

"Finn is like that," she says, almost fondly. "So I guess that doesn't surprise me. You know, I almost expected you to be a little mini me of him – you know, more of a tomboy."

"I was when I was younger," Ellie chuckles, "probably my dad's influence again. My favorite thing to do would be to play basketball with him – we still do it, but not as much. We don't have as much time these days."

"I'm awful at basketball. Like, really bad. Your dad once tried to teach me, but I just couldn't do anything right. I'm not much of a sporty person. I much prefer to have a nice, quiet setting where I can just let go and write."

She gives her a thoughtful glance, "I thought you just wrote articles?"

"And a few original things," she smiles, "journalism is great, but there comes a time when a little more fiction is needed." Ellie finds herself nodding in agreement, inwardly ecstatic at sharing something with her birth mom, even if it is one measly opinion about writing. Once the subject is brought up, their conversation begins to flow more easily – for one, she isn't constantly stopping and starting, her hesitance holding her back. It's most likely the beer making her more talkative, but at the same time Kate keeps the conversation going by filling in the moments where Ellie seems a little lost.

Soon enough the food arrives, the pair remaining on the couch as they eat their Indian food, light conversation ensuing. But she can't help her mind from going back and forth between more serious topics, because part of this reunion is about getting answers, right? And so far she hasn't had that many. Sure, it's nice to get to know Kate, to see what similarities they share; she just wants to know the reason why they're doing this _now_, when she's seventeen years old and Kate has had that long to be a mother to her. Her phone buzzes a couple of times, though she chooses to turn it off for the time being; she doesn't need anything distracting her.

So it's just as she's finishing, placing her plate to the plain coffee table that she pauses for a moment, eyes watching Kate's face. "You still haven't told me why you did it, you know."

Despite the vague nature of her comment, Kate instantly knows what she's talking about, if the way her expression plummets is any indication. She moves her own plate then, inching closer to Ellie. For a moment, she expects her to reach out and take her hands, like Rachel would, but she doesn't. Instead, she lets out a long sigh, "I was wondering when you were going to bring this up again." Ellie remains quiet, silently willing her to continue speaking. When the woman realizes what she's doing, yet another sigh follows, "I was only twenty when I had you... I was still in college, and I was terrified." She drops her head, "I'm not exactly the mother type; I never have been. And then all of a sudden I had you. You were absolutely beautiful and so tiny, but when I looked at you, it just didn't feel right. I didn't feel like a mother."

Ellie's stomach clenches tightly, a whole new wave of rejection washing over her. She's always known that she wasn't exactly planned, but hearing it this way isn't the easiest thing for her, especially combined with the way Kate keeps looking to her sadly.

"Believe it or not, your dad was a whole lot better than me at looking after you. I was so stressed out when you were born. I went back to school pretty quickly, because I desperately wanted to graduate, while your dad did most of the work. Just... seeing the way he was with you..." At this point, she gives a sad, regretful smile, and Ellie's heart drops at the sight of it. "He was so in love, happier than I'd ever seen him while I – I _wasn't_.

"It was pretty selfish of me, I know, but I convinced myself that it would be best for you to be with your dad. He had so much support from his side of the family, and I knew that he'd take good care of you." She appears disappointed in herself as she goes on, especially upon seeing the expression on Ellie's face. "I guess the truth is that I want just scared."

She wants to say something, she does, but in all honesty she has no idea how to respond to something like that. Being told that her own mother was too scared to raise her. She's trying to find it in herself to understand, but it proves difficult. While she knows she's nowhere near ready for parenthood or anything of that sort, if she was in the same situation now there's no way that she could repeat Kate's actions. There are no similarities between her and the woman when it comes to that.

"So," she begins, voice hesitant, "you just left?"

"Basically. I left your dad a note explaining why, but you have no idea how stupid I feel for choosing to leave."

Ellie ignores the final part of her sentence instantly. One, she's heard this before, and she's already assured Kate that she's forgiven her as much as she possible can. And two, the mention of an apparent note. Search to the very edge of her memory, she tries to recall any time when a note had been mentioned, but she comes up blank. She's filled with a sudden need to know exactly what it says, why she's never been told about it before. It's not like she's a child anymore; she can handle reading _one_ letter. "You left him a note?" It's a little scary how much emotion her voice lacks at that moment.

Kate leans back a little, then nods. "I know that it was cowardly of me -"

"No, well, I guess it was, but it's just... my dad never told me about that. I mean, we've talked about you before and not once has he ever mentioned a note." Her face crumples with confusion rapidly.

"I assumed you hadn't seen it," she nods, "since some of the things you were asking me at dinner were answered in the note, but then, it was your dad's decision to make." Ellie peers away now, unable to stop herself thinking that he should have at least told her that it existed, or maybe put some of her questions to rest. Instead, he's just let her wonder all these years.

"I'm sorry," Ellie quickly shakes her head as Kate sends her an inquiring glance, "I'm just a little shocked, is all."

With a curt nod, she replies, "that's fair. I can't even begin to imagine how hard all this must be on you. And I'm sure that what I've just told you couldn't be easy to hear." At least Kate has the decency to look apologetic there, her hand finally finding its way on top of Ellie's. "While I was too stupid and young then, I wasn't lying when I said I regretted it, and – hmm, if I could go back and do it all over again, I wouldn't even dream about leaving. But I can't change the past."

"You really mean that?" She asks quietly, eyes searching to confirm that Kate is telling the truth. She wants to believe it, but it's difficult when the words are coming from someone who's had so many chances to make things right, and has never taken them up.

"Of course I do." She says with a strong voice.

Ellie's is nowhere near as strong as she says, "and all the other opportunities to meet me... you were too scared for those as well?" Her voice borders on accusing now, something which seems to catch Kate off guard. This only further angers Ellie; shouldn't she have been expecting to be asked things like this? It's really an inevitable conversation, a 'hey, why the hell did you leave it so long to contact me?'

"I suppose I thought that I didn't have the right, after leaving the way I did."

This silences Ellie, who gives a solemn nod, swallowing the lump in her throat. She understands that, she _does_, but it doesn't mean that she has to like it. She bites her lip, unsure of how to answer that. _Does_ she have the right? Does she deserve to have a mother daughter relationship with Ellie, who she left to be brought up by Finn for the past seventeen years? After all his hard work and endeavours involved in raising her, why should Kate be able to swoop in last minute and be on good terms with her. The conflicting thing is that Ellie _wants_ her to swoop, she wants nothing more than to be close to her mom, dad _and_ Kate. But more time spent with Kate is less away from her parents, and vice versa. It's barely been a week, and yet she can feel the way that the perfectly balanced relationships are teetering off course.

That worries her.

She really hates the idea of being at the center of a conflict, yet whatever she decides to do someone's feelings are going to be hurt. It's really just a matter of choosing whose those are going to be. Ellie certainly doesn't want to have to decide that.

"Oh," she feels the word slip from her lips, her lack of response prompting Kate to persevere.

"And I kind of convinced myself that you'd hate me."

Ellie's head snaps up at that, confusion deep within her eyes, "you thought I'd hate you?"

"Come on, I abandoned you. Of course you'd hate me."

She glances down, voice oh so quiet when she utters, "I should hate you. But I just – I don't. And I know that my dad is really worried about this whole _thing_ between us... mom, too. Well, everyone." Her voice drifts off, only returning in volume with, "and now that I know I should be more cautious, more guarded. The truth is that I just want to get to know you as much as I can. I want a relationship with you."

Kate smiles then, biting her lip as though trying to hold back the action fully, "that makes me really happy to hear." she squeezes Ellie's hand, "I hope that can happen for us. It'll take time, I know it will. We've just got to work at it."

"You're right," she nods, "maybe we could like – I don't know, meet up weekly or something. Maybe even biweekly, but I guess that all depends on your schedule and my school work. I stay late on Wednesdays for creative writing so any other day would be fine, though if you're busy that's okay too; it's - "

"Ellie, breathe," Kate chuckles softly.

"Sorry."

"You need to stop being so nervous around me," she says with honesty held in her eyes, "and biweekly sounds good to me. I already told you that work isn't as hectic as it has been, so a couple nights a week will be fine."

A wave of relief washes over her, and she gives a shy smile. "Okay, then we'll do that. I'll have to run it by mom and dad first though."

"Yeah, sorry if you got in trouble before, it was my fault for not calling earlier."

"It's okay, they were more annoyed at you so..." She keeps the fact about said annoyance causing a pretty huge argument to herself; Kate doesn't need to know that.

The woman's face drops, and she's poised to speak just as Ellie catches sight of the time, stomach plummeting so quickly she thinks she just might throw up. "Is that clock right?" she outright panics, shooting up from her seat.

Kate, not understand the sudden outburst, looks on with a scrunched up face, "yes, of course it is. Why are you panicking so much?" But Ellie is hurriedly switching her phone back on, cursing under her breath when she sees the texts from her dad, growing in concern each time, and now it's almost an hour after her curfew. She visibly gulps, instantly making to text her dad back, assuring him that she is still alive and at Kate's apartment. "Ellie." She finally snaps her attention back to the woman in front of her at the sound of her voice, an apologetic expression melting onto her face.

"I should have called my dad over an hour ago. He's going to kill me for losing track of the time like this!" she drops her face into her hands, closing her eyes in order to try and let some calm wash over her. It doesn't work. Seconds later she has a text from her dad announcing he's on his way, and she realizes with a unsettling feeling that she's going to get in trouble too.

"Hey, calm down," Kate stands and places her hands on either shoulder, "Just tell him the truth, that we lost track of time."

"No, but I should have had my phone on," she frowns deeply.

"Just tell him there's bad reception in my apartment."

She gives a sceptical glance toward Kate, and doesn't agree or disagree to that. But ten minutes later, each second her heartbeat growing more frantic, her dad calls to say he's outside the building. "Well, I should go," she reaches for her jacket, "I had a really nice time. Thank you."

Kate smiles widely, "I'll be looking forward to next time. Come on, let me walk you out." With a small nod, they make their way to the foyer, instantly hit with the cold night air as they step outside. Her dad is right outside, and from his expression he's clearly not too happy. Well, go figure. Ellie doesn't resist as Kate pulls her into a hug, a final goodbye made, before she hurries over to the passenger side. The warmth of the car envelopes her in an instant, but it's soon frosted over by her father's expression.

Lowering in her seat, she manages to get out, "I'm really sorry, okay? I didn't realize it was so late."

"I tried calling you, more than once. That was on top of all the texts," he gives her a look, demanding an explanation.

"I – Kate said her apartment has bad reception, so I didn't get those until later." Ellie can't bring herself to look him in the eye, hating having to lie to him. But she doesn't want to get herself into even more trouble, because she doesn't want him not to let her see Kate.

He drags out a sigh, but pulls out into the street for the short journey home. "I was worried sick," he laments, "I didn't know what to think, Ellie. Don't ever do that to me again."

"I won't," she assures him, "we were just talking for so long. I wasn't paying attention to the time." That part is true, at least. She's been so engrossed in the conversation that the time seemed insignificant, until she'd remembered about her dad being waiting to pick her up.

Finn nods in understanding, but his hands are still clenching the steering wheel pretty tightly. She chooses to remain mute for the following moments, not wanting to further dig herself into a hole. As she waits, head leaning against the cold glass of the window, she recalls the night, how much it has surpassed her expectations. And now she's got so much more insight into the whole predicament with Kate; she finds herself almost feeling sorry for her, having to give up her child so young. But another part of the conversation sticks with her, one that tries its best to force its way from her lips.

The note.

The same note that she had no idea existed until a few hours ago. She wants nothing more than to read it right away, to know the exact words from Kate and not just some paraphrased version from her dad. Ellie twists in her seat, eyeing him slowly. She honestly doesn't understand why he's kept it hidden for all these years – is it some attempt to keep her feelings protected? Did he not expect Kate to ever show up in her life? For a moment, she dwells over the idea of whether he still has the note. He could have thrown it out after he'd first read it, but something tells her otherwise.

She dares another glance in her dad's direction, then asks, "are you mad at me?"

His face contorts as he goes back and forth. "I'm a little disappointed," he confesses, "you should have been keeping better track of the time. I thought – well I didn't know what to think, you weren't replying to anything."

Guilt washes over her again, and if possible she sinks lower into the seat. "It won't happen again, I swear."

"I hope you're right about that," he finally seems to relax, "you had me worried sick."

"I was only with Kate. What possibly could have happened to me?"

He gives her a look, one that has her mouth clamping shut in an instant. It's not long before they pull up in front of the house, Finn giving out a tired sigh as he pulls himself from the passenger seat. Ellie peers up to the house, seeing no lights emitting from the windows. She pulls a face; usually Rachel waits up when they're out late, but apparently not tonight.

That brings her to her next question. "Are you and mom okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't we be?" he slows, tilting his head toward her. Now it's her turn to set a look on him, watching as his shoulders slump, "It was just one argument, Ellie, nothing to worry about."

"You and mom don't have arguments though. Sure, you bicker like you've been married for seventy years, but not like before." She can't keep the sadness from her voice, knowing that the argument had been about her situation with Kate.

Her dad slowly opens the door, switching on the lamp so that light floods the dark hallway. "Look, your mom and I have discussed things while you were gone, and we came to a few decisions about this whole thing with Kate. She actually wants us to have another dinner, the four of us this time."

Ellie's blood runs cold. "Dad, do you really think that's a good idea? You know how mom can get and I don't want it to be really awkward."

He moves to wrap his arm around her, "relax, she'll be on her best behavior, because she just wants you to be happy. But she's your mom, and she wants to be more involved in this big change. She wants to be there for you."

"I know," she gives a dutiful nod, "but can I at least have some time to prepare for this dinner? It's going to be world war three, you know."

With a playful nudge, he steps back from her, "it'll be fine. And it'll help us all be on the same page as to where we go from here. 'Cause I know I can't go through tonight again. No telling us you're going out with Kate just before you go, and the next time you miss your curfew, there'll be consequences, right? I don't care if you're with Kate, you have to follow our rules. I sure as hell can't spend so long wondering if you're okay again, I think I aged like ten years."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure you've got more gray hairs since I last saw you," she jokes.

"Right, bed," he orders, but then his mouth twists into a half smile, and she sighs a breath of relief knowing she's not really in trouble, only she'll have to be careful next time. She follows her dad upstairs, slowing as she watches him head into his room. The door is left slightly open, where she sees Rachel stretched out across the large bed, hair fanned out over the pillows. She has to stifle a giggle as he manoeuvres his wife back onto her side of the bed so that he has room for his large frame.

When she reaches her own room, exhaustion sweeps over her, and it takes all of her energy just to slip into some pajamas. Ellie is so tired that she's asleep within minutes of crawling under the covers that she doesn't have time to think about the dinner that her parents want with Kate, the one that most certainly is going to be a source of drama, if her mom has anything to do with it.

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